Landy Peek (00:00)
Welcome to the Landy Peak podcast. I'm your host and friend, Landy Peak, and I am thrilled to have you join me. In each episode, we will explore what makes life truly fulfilling. Happiness, deep connections, and self -discovery. Together we'll uncover that happiness is not a destination, but a way of living. Now, let's dive into today's episode.
Landy Peek (00:31)
Well, hello there. This is Landy here and I am so very excited to have you join me in this special workshop. Now, I know if you're like me and my clients, then you probably have experienced or are experiencing a time in your life where you
feel like you want something different, but you're not quite sure how to get there. Maybe you're stuck in the dreaming stage. It's a big dream, but don't know how to put it into action. Maybe you're stuck in the action stage where you started and you've stopped and you've started and you're stopped and you're just feeling stuck.
in our workshop today, because I love, love giving you practical, usable tips, we're gonna work through this workbook that walks you through in a very practical, usable way to help you create a better life. And that's the goal, right? It's to create something different than you have now that you feel is an important
alignment to what you have now. And you can use this with all different areas of your life.
sometimes we have those big things that we want, and sometimes our little goals that we want, and we really want this.
And at the same time, we're not taking any action.
And a lot of times I hear people say, it's because I have no motivation. It's because I'm lazy. And I want to tell you right now, it has nothing to do with motivation or lack thereof. it's not that you don't have motivation. It's that the motivation is stronger for the perceived pain.
than the perceived gain, but you have a lot of motivation. It's just not taking you where you want to go. And it's not that you're lazy because when we get into that space where we just feel stuck, that it's easier to do nothing than to do something. That space is because you're in this pain gain tug of war and the pain is winning and doing nothing
supports that perceived pain. Taking action supports the perceived gain. And as long as the pain or perceived pain ties or outweighs the perceived gain, you won't take action. It's only when the perceived gain is stronger than the perceived pain that you start to take action.
I've talked before in the podcast about how I have these ugly tan walls all throughout my house and I hated them and I grumbled about them on a daily basis. But I never did anything about them. Now, it wasn't that I didn't have motivation because I really didn't like them. It's not that I was lazy or even I didn't have enough time.
Because you can always juggle your time to create the time that you need to do the things that you want. Have you ever noticed that? When there is something you want that has that perceived gain that is higher than the perceived pain, you can make things happen. It's when that perceived pain is higher than the perceived gain that we tend to stand still.
And so with that paint, there had to become a tipping point where the game, having new color on the wall, outweighed the pain or perceived pain of taking the time to go pick a color, to buy the paint, to take the time to paint the house, to get the ladder because we have really high ceilings and
All of those different steps at one point felt too big.
But once the scale tipped, I had all the motivation in the world to get it done. And I want to talk about perceived pain and perceived gain because I use the word perceived because there is only pain in the actual action. It's like when you work out, that's when there's the pain or the struggle or the stress.
or however you want to frame it.
But going up to the workout, you're not actually experiencing pain. It doesn't actually happen. It's like when you get a shot at the doctors. You can be like, my gosh, it's gonna hurt, it's gonna hurt, it's gonna hurt. It doesn't actually hurt until the needle goes in. Perceived pain, I'm working myself up around this. I'm telling myself stories around this. It's not actually hurting. It's when that needle goes into your arm, that's when it hurts.
So the pain is in the action, same with the pleasure, right? We can get really excited about something and my gosh, it's gonna be amazing, it's gonna be so much fun, but we don't actually experience the pleasure unless we're in the moment. It's like being at Disneyland and you're going on your favorite ride and you're waiting in line and you're so excited and you're barely like able to contain it and then you get on the ride.
And it goes. In that moment is the pleasure. But it's perceived pleasure the entire time you're waiting in line. So when you talk about perceived pleasure and perceived pain, it's because it's not real in that moment. It's not real until you take action. Okay, so I want that clear.
So I'm gonna use my podcast, this brand new baby podcast.
as an example as we go through.
And I was in the space where I really wanted it. I'd thought about it for like five years. I started two other times and then stopped and discarded them.
I really, really, really wanted it, but I wasn't taking the action to actually get it out there. And I think a lot of us are in this space. I see this so many times with my entrepreneurial clients in that they want something, but when it comes to doing the uncomfortable actions, they are like, nah, I'm good. Isn't there any other way we can do this? And that's okay.
because your perceived pain is valid. There's nothing wrong with it. We don't have to judge it. It's there. So while it was something I wanted to do, I wasn't taking action. I even told people that I was going to do a podcast years ago and I never did it.
I want to really share.
It has nothing to do with motivation. My motivation for not doing it was just stronger than my motivation for doing it. But I had motivation both times. We feel better when we take action. Have you ever noticed this? If you sit on the like scroll on your phone, sit on the couch and you're scrolling and you're scrolling and scrolling, you don't actually feel good in your body. But if you go out for a walk or you get the dishes done or
You paint the wall. You feel good. You feel good in action. We want action. We want changes in our life. We want differences. But what creates the action? That's where most of us get stuck. We know what we want. We don't know how to take the action because we're not seeing that it's a pain, pleasure scale.
as we go through and our workbook.
I'm going to invite you to first download this little workbook because I created a really simple workbook to help you organize your ideas. Now, if you're driving or walking or doing something where you can't sit and fill out the workbook, do not worry. Keep listening because you're going to gain insight just from hearing my story. It's called social healing, social learning, right? We learn from others.
And it's fabulous. So keep listening. If you are listening on the podcast and you don't have the workbook yet, you can head on over to LandyPeak .com and download the workbook or hop down in the show notes and there's a link there as well.
if you have the workbook, I would love if you would try to fill it out with a pencil or a pen or some actual utensil that you use to write with. Our brains think differently when we have that pen to paper. If all you've got is your phone, an iPad or your computer, do that too. What I
Would love to see you do is to take the action of filling it out. Now you may be thinking, my gosh, it's gonna be so much work and so boring to fill it out. I don't want to.
And I just want you to be aware that that is the perceived pain winning because that perceived pain is saying that it is going to be harder to fill out the workbook.
then get what I want in life.
so perceived pain wins out.
So if you're listening and you don't have the workbook, you can use a piece of paper. That works too, right? It's just getting you through the questions to get you to question your whys, your perceived pain, and your perceived gain. That's it. This is for you. I'm not gonna see your answers. So it's not like a test at school that you have to worry about doing it right.
This is for you and you get to choose how you want to do it.
I want to let you know that I created this workbook using both research and experience because I think you have to vote.
to figure out how you can take your next action step.
I found as a coach, so many of my entrepreneurial clients.
got stuck in the action, got stuck between I really, really want something and I'm really uncomfortable taking the steps. They have the vision board, they have the dream, but it's the taking the steps that are uncomfortable that they just couldn't get themselves to do. And they have a very valid reason for not doing it. Those fears, those stories that are in your perceived pain bag are valid.
We don't want to dismiss them. We want to get curious about them.
We're tied to those fears for a reason. And it's just getting curious about them that's going to make a big difference. So I want to tell you a story. So I was dating my now husband and we were hiking up to a high mountain lake. And he was so excited to hike up and camp at this high mountain lake. It's supposed be gorgeous.
We're camping overnight. And so I have a big pack when we're carrying the tent and we're carrying food and we're carrying sleeping bags and clothes and all the things that we're going to need to stay the night overnight at this high mountain lake. I'm hiking and it's one of those lovely hikes. If you're a hiker, you'll know lovely hikes that have switchbacks and you're going back and forth.
And as I'm trudging and I'm ahead, I'm the first one, my now husband was behind me, and my pack is feeling heavier and heavier and heavier. And I'm thinking, my gosh, I'm way more out of shape than I thought I was. this is a lot harder than I anticipated. And so we get to a spot that kind of opens up.
and their shade and I'm like, I just have to stop. I need a break. I need some water. as I go to take off my backpack, I tip and rocks come tumbling down. My lovely partner had been placing rocks on the top of my backpack as we hiked. So it indeed was getting heavier.
first, you know, you hit the frustration of like, my gosh, how good did you do? And it's funny. It is a funny story now. But I was carrying rocks I didn't even know I had. There was extra weight that was weighing me down and I had no idea it was there. As we go through this workbook, I want you to be open to the possibility that some of those rocks that you're carrying aren't yours. You didn't ask for them. They're just there.
These are some of the stories that we pick up from our parents, from media, from all of the different environmental situations that we have. they have nothing to do with our experiences. It has everything to do with the stories that we've bought into. Things like money doesn't grow on trees, right?
There's lots of different stories. Stories about your family, stories about certain circumstances and things like that. We have created all these stories and society has created stories. So some of those rocks are gonna be those stories.
I'm going to walk through this whole workbook with my podcast in mind, and I'm going to tell you my answers because I actually did this. And now I'm giving it to you so that you can use the exact same tool that I did to get that action step to get this out to you to start this podcast.
the very first thing that I would love for you to do.
is open up your workbook.
the very first question that you will see is, what do you want? Seems simple, but what's that goal? What's that thing? So mine was, I want a podcast.
And the next question is, where are you feeling stuck? Why haven't I taken action? Now, this is just ruling out some of the thoughts around I don't know how.
So it could be, I don't know how, I feel scared, I'm unsure. It could be, I feel overwhelmed, I don't have time, right? Why aren't you taking action? This is where you're just gonna write down, don't overthink it. First answers are always best. And then the next question is what stage are you in? Are you in the dreaming stage, in the vision board stage? You've taken no action, but you are thinking about it.
Are you in the just learning stage? The just learning stage is where you go out and you learn about it. So when I wanted to do a podcast, I actually took a podcast class. I read books, I asked people who had podcasts, you I got that information. I still hadn't taken any action towards creating the podcast, but I was gaining that information. So you're just in the learning stage and these stages are not in order. You're not going to do all of them. It's just an idea.
From my experience working with so many clients and myself, that these are the most common stages that I have found. So the dreaming stage, the just learning stage, the start and stop stage. I did this twice with two other podcasts.
I did this with two other podcasts and I did things like I got graphics together. I figured out names for the podcast. I did some of those basic steps, the first action steps. And then I stopped and discarded. That doesn't mean that you're stuck and it doesn't mean that you're not gonna get there. It's kind of like those trial and errors. Like I'm gonna try this, it didn't work. I'm gonna try this, it didn't work.
Both of those podcasts ended up being topics that I didn't hold on to long term.
the next stage is the stuck stage. This is when you've gone all in and you are just stuck in the middle or you are stuck before you construct. It doesn't matter where you are, you're stuck. You're feeling stuck. You cannot get forward momentum. And then there's the go stage. And that's where we want to get to by the end of this is the go stage. You're going.
You're taking action. I'm going to invite you to think about these questions. You can definitely pause this as you write or listen and then come back. Do you actually want the outcome? Do you actually want the very first question of what do you want? Now I have used this in many different circumstances in my life. And sometimes I say no end of workbook because when I really think about
Do I actually want that outcome? No, it's the outcome I thought I should want.
but it wasn't actually what I wanted. So then you get to go back to what do you want? If the answer is yes, I actually want this outcome. I actually want a podcast. Do you really want help with it? Now the reason I ask is because sometimes we really want stuff, but we're not ready to tip the scales. We're not ready to get help. And that's okay.
So if your answer is, you really want help with it? No. Put it on pause. If the answer is yes, let's keep going. So here's my next question. Why is it easier not to do it? This is tapping into the perceived pain. Why is it easier to not do it? Well, for me, for the podcast, it was easier to not do it because I didn't have to worry about it taking up so much time. I didn't have to figure out something new.
I didn't have to put myself out there and be vulnerable. That's the pain scale, the perceived pain scale. So what is your perceived pain?
What is keeping you from taking action? The perceived pain is what's keeping you from taking action, right? Those are your rocks. What are your rocks? My rocks. We're being vulnerable and open on an open stage. So I am a fairly private person in public, but I'm a very open book person. can pretty much ask me anything. I share a lot with my clients. I share a lot with my friends.
I really am open to sharing my life experiences and stories to those that I have a relationship with. In a podcast format, I don't know who's listening. I can't control who's listening. Perhaps I know you, perhaps I don't.
But there is a level of vulnerability in having that open format.
And that was one of my rocks. Another rock was the perceived pain of how much time it will take.
Another rock is the perceived pain of having to be consistent.
I am somebody that values my autonomy and freedom. And if I have to have something that like ties me down, I get cranky. So I had to work with my perceived pain. Now, what do you get out of doing it? I get to have a platform where I can share my thoughts, my experiences in a long format. I really hate
eight social media snippets. I want to have a conversation. I love deep conversations. I'm the person at parties that will find those other people that will have deep conversations. I'm not milling about with everybody. I love deep conversations. I love podcast format. I am a podcast junkie. This fits well with me because I don't consume social media. I don't sit on Insta and scroll.
I consume podcasts. So it fits with the way that my brain thinks. It fits with the way I like to communicate. It is a way for me to share information for free. This is really important to me
I think there's so much valuable information that I can share for free and want to share for free.
So what is the end game? The end game is I have a space where I can really share my thoughts and my experiences and the research that I have come across in a way that fits my learning style, my communication style, and is a way that I can share information for free. Those are big gains for me.
if you look at what is my perceived outcome, gain pleasure is having that podcast that creates a difference.
Why do I want this? I want this because I'm really craving a way to have long conversations with a lot of people, to share thoughts and ideas that can really change lives. And I really want this because I have a really strong drive to be in a service mode right now. I'm often in a service mode. Right now it's a really strong drive.
Why is this important to you? this is a passion project. This is lighting me up inside. I am finding time to create podcast episodes to then record them, then edit them, then publish them, right? This is not quick, but I am loving every step of it.
Why is it something you think you should do? It's not. For me, this is not something I should do. That should is being able to pull out. I'm doing this for someone else. I should do this because it'll grow my business. I should do this because people will like me.
I should do this because this will make my parents proud of me. I should do this, right? Sometimes those are the wrong reasons to be doing things.
That doesn't mean that it is the wrong reason, but I just want you to be aware of that thought process. This isn't something I think I should do. This is something I really want to do. Why does it have to be this way? So why do I have to do it in this podcast format? Are there other ways that I could share information for free? Absolutely. Why does it have to be this way? Because I love this way. Cause I consume this way. And why now?
My drive is high right now. Right now this feels aligned and good. Right now I have topics that I'm passionate about. Is this the only way to get your outcome? No, it's not. There are other ways, which gives me options. And that decreases that perceived pain, because I'm not stuck in this. There are other ways to do it. And that's really where I want you to be working through is that you're not
stuck that you really want to do this.
So as you're looking at your workbook.
the perceived paying greater or equal to the perceived gain? Yes or no?
prior to now, when I thought about those podcasts, the perceived pain, that vulnerability, the time, the energy was bigger than the gain. I didn't have the passion. The why behind I wanted to do this.
that outweighed that perceived pain. Now, in this moment, the perceived gain is so much greater.
So the next question is, is the perceived pain greater than or equal to the perceived gain? Yes or no? If the answer is yes, the pain is greater or equal to the gain, I want you to go to the next question. What could tip the scales? What are ways you can decrease the perceived pain? What are ways you can boost the perceived gain? So if we look at ways that you can decrease the perceived pain,
Have you ever noticed that you can do things better if you have a time limit? this is a tip that you can start doing and we'll use it in our action steps.
so what it is is you give yourself a time limit, right? Or you count.
I saw this in live action with my daughter at the dentist, where she was just getting sealants and they have to have that little light that holds onto the, that you hold above the tooth to get the sealant to harden. Not a dentist, don't know all the details, but the dentist was fabulous in that he gave her time limits. Okay, we're going to do this for the count of 10.
And I'm making up the number because I can't actually remember. we're going to hold the light on for the count of 10. we're decreasing the pain to get the game. Have you also noticed that dentists and pediatricians give away toys? They always have a treasure box, right? I don't know if they always the ones that we go to have treasure boxes. And again, we have.
The game. what we're doing is when she was getting her sealant, the dentist is saying, okay, we're decreasing the perceived pain. I'm going to count to 10. This is going to be not fun for 10 seconds. You can do anything for 10 seconds. And when we're done, we're going to go look in the treasure box. What are you thinking you want to get in the treasure box and starts listing things that might be in the treasure box? Here, we're giving the game and decreasing the pain.
This is what you can do for yourself. So when you're looking at your pain list, what I'm going to invite you to do is how can you decrease the perceived pain? Can you shorten or put a time limit or a boundary around it? the five minute bravery task is when I have uncomfortable tasks that scare me, I will set a time limit of five minutes. Sometimes it's even one minute
it's putting parameters around the uncomfortable. it's things like sending those emails, making those phone calls, posting a podcast, It's submitting your application, right? There's things that don't take long.
Filling your application out might take longer, but actually submitting it, throwing it in the mail or hitting send on the email or however you have to submit it, it takes a minute maybe. it's putting parameters around that decrease the perceived pain. You can do anything for five minutes. It's the same thing if you ever heard, when you don't wanna exercise, just say I'm gonna exercise for five minutes and then go.
And then if you're at the end of five minutes, you're done, you're done. And if you're like, this is good, I'm going, then you keep going, right? We put parameters around the perceived pain, which decrease the pain. So how can you decrease that perceived pain? If you need help, let me know. And what are ways to boost the perceived gain? Now the dentist is saying, okay, we've got that treasure box, perceived gain, right?
Perceived gain, 10 seconds and it's done. What are ways to boost that perceived gain?
One of the ways that I boost my perceived gain with tasks that I dislike doing is to pair them with tasks I like doing. When I have to do things for work that I usually paperwork stuff, right? Business and stuff that I don't like, I go to a coffee shop that I love and I love the atmosphere and I sit there and have a music and I get my latte and I'm balancing out.
Perceived pain and perceived gain. I'm making that task, less painful by giving myself a boost to the game. Right? how can you increase your perceived gain? You can go through all of the benefits of getting it done. Sometimes that's a motivator. Right?
Once I exercise, I feel really good. I like how I look when I exercise. you of line out what are the perceived gains and what you're looking is to tip the scale.
So if your perceived gain is greater than your perceived pain, that's where we want it to go, right? What action step can you take today? But I don't want you to take an action step if you're stuck in the pain. If pain is greater than gain, let's get curious about that. If you're at the stage where gain is greater than pain, then what action step can you take today? What one action step? Now, this is where we get stuck. We start to tell ourselves,
I'm going to post on social media every single day. I'm going to go for a run every single day. That's a big commitment. And that's where we can start getting that perceived pain bigger than the perceived gain. But if you come down to what can I do today? I can take a 30 minute walk today. That doesn't seem very painful compared to I'm going to
exercise pretty broad every single day. Well, what if I can't? What if I'm sick? What if I'm hurt? What if it's raining? Well, if I can't do it every day, then why should I even do it? It's not even worth it. Perceive pain. You see how it tipped the scale? So you're just looking for that one action step that you can take today. And then here, a bonus is what is your five minute bravery task?
You don't have to do it today, but I would love if you write a five minute bravery task. And for some of your goals, this isn't applicable, but maybe you could get creative. Like if your goal is to eat healthier, maybe your five minute bravery task is to try a brand new food. Maybe your five minute bravery task is to try a different exercise.
Maybe your five minute bravery task is to make that social media post for your business. Maybe your five minute bravery task is to make that phone call to submit that application, right? So one step that you could do today is fill out that application. Is to create a post, is to find a food, is to find an exercise. and the five minute bravery test might just be to try it. So have fun with it.
If you could fill out the last question
Why do you want to keep going?
Why do you want to keep going and keep trying one action step? I want a motivator that is a pleasure response. Why do you want this? And then you can come back to this book and it can help you work through those stuck sticky spots.
I want to say thank you so much for hanging with me throughout this workshop. This was so much fun. I would love, love, love to hear from you.
shoot me a DM on social media, shoot me an email, landy at landypeak .com. Tell me about your experience with this workbook. Tell me about your experience with this workshop. Tell me what you want. Tell me your reasons why. Tell me your action step. Tell me your bravery task. I would love, love, love to hear from you. And.
I want to that I love you and I like you. And I'm so incredibly proud of you for taking the time to do this workbook. You're an incredible human being and you can do anything that you want to do. We'll talk to you next time.
Landy Peek (33:55)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share.
Because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious because that's the fun in this world.
