Landy Peek (00:00)
Welcome back friends to the Landy Peak podcast. This is Landy Peak and I am so excited that you are here doing something good for you because today's episode can really help you change your life. We're talking all about happiness. And if you're like me, to you and me, happiness is those moments where you just feel joy.
you feel so good. It's the things like sex, wine, delicious meals, amazing adventures, right, that make you feel so good. And we crave it. Well, in my happiness research, I found out that it's not all about those happiness hits, those moments of bliss, but true happiness.
True happiness, it comes from a combo of those moments of happiness and a longer lasting deep contentment. And we're gonna go into all of that today. What makes us happy, why we're not feeling happy, and what we can do about it.
So have you ever wondered?
If there's a secret recipe for happiness, well, it turns out there's a whole lot of science behind it. And if we can harness science, it can change our lives. Happiness isn't just about feeling those fleeting moments of joy, what I call happiness hits. It's about finding a balance between two main types of happiness.
It's about balancing.
What I didn't realize... So I'm gonna cut that out.
Okay, so cut out the two main types. What I didn't realize was that happiness actually stems from curiosity. Happiness is about being brave enough to face our risks and anxieties, to truly discover what lights you up. Now, when I thought about happiness, I was looking for how to feel good all the time.
I didn't realize that part of my happiness journey would be putting myself out there. It would be taking risks. It would be leaning into my anxieties. Something I really didn't want to do.
I was looking at-
So when I add Levi.
Now when I thought about happiness, I was thinking, I, okay, I think I
Okay, let me start over.
Welcome back to the... Hello friends and welcome back to the Landy Peak podcast. This is Landy Peak and I am so thrilled that you are taking a moment out of your time to do something good for you because today's episode can really change your life. We're talking all about happiness, why we don't feel happy and what we can do about it. It's a question that we've all grappled with, right?
Have you ever just sat down and wondered if there's a secret recipe for happiness? Well, it turns out there's a whole lot of science behind it. First off, happiness isn't just about those fleeting moments of joy, what I call happiness hits. Those things like sex, wine, chocolate, delicious meals, and amazing adventures. The things that happen in moments and make us feel really good. But as soon as they're over,
you can feel the happiness start to just fade. It really is about a balance between two different types of happiness, that long lasting contentment and those happiness hits. And what I didn't realize was happiness stems from curiosity. It comes from being brave enough to face risks and our own anxieties to truly discover what lights you up.
Now when I was thinking about happiness, I was not thinking part of my happiness journey would involve putting myself out there. It wouldn't be taking risks and I wouldn't be leaning into my anxieties. Nope, didn't really want to do that. That felt like it was going to make life harder. No, what I really thought happiness was, was that it was finding those things that made me feel good all of the time. And what I learned...
I learned happiness is not about feeling good all of the time. Just think about that. How much does that shift if you are now off the hook that you can be happy and content without feeling good all of the time? Think of it as a balance between those little joys, like a perfect cup of coffee, and those bigger lifetime things, like relationships and goals.
It's about our connections with others. Our circle of friends and family, because we've talked about this before and how important it is for our mental and physical health, but especially with our happiness. Those deeper connections, they keep us healthy and happy. Because we all know that having those, because we all have felt having that circle of friends or family, those connectors,
They're the ones that we turn to when we're down, that help lift us back up. They're our cheerleaders when we need and want someone to help us celebrate our wins, to remind us of our wins. They're the ones that encourage us to keep going. Often those relationships help us feel content and okay inside. Happiness is about truly embracing all of our emotions.
Not just the fun ones. And seeing a bigger picture. Too often we get lost in the nitty gritty. We get lost in the little moments and they derail us. Somebody cuts us off. Someone cuts us off in traffic or someone cuts us off in traffic. Someone cuts you off in traffic or your kid tantrums or your partner's grumpy. And all of a sudden your day is tamed.
We wanna shift that for you so that those little moments, those are little blips, but they don't derail your whole day. And often when we have that derailment, it's hard to get back online. And it's even harder to step back and look at that big picture to see something different. We get so narrowly focused on our goals.
often our success goals and we lose track of who we are and what truly makes us happy. So I was curious and maybe you are too. Is it true? Can we actually find long-lasting happiness? Well the good thing is research says yes and it starts with the little things that we do every day. Now for me this was a huge aha moment because
Sometimes that happiness, feels so elusive. But if you look at, are certain things that you can do every single day that will shift how you feel. Well, that seems manageable because you and I can focus on today. I can just say, I'm gonna do something for today. How often have you looked at goals and you're like, I'm gonna run six miles every day. And it feels so huge.
And then if you miss a day, well, guess I have to start over or quit. But instead, if you just gave yourself that little goal of, I'm gonna run today, that seems manageable because today you can push through it or you can feel good about it, but you know you can do it today. And so if your happiness stems from what you're doing today,
You can change today.
Things like writing down what you're grateful for can shift how you feel. And if you did it every day, it's gonna shift how you feel every day. But focus on today. Taking a moment to have an act of kindness, spreading kindness, saying something kind about somebody, helping somebody out, that makes you feel good inside. That's something you can do today. Finding time.
for an activity that makes you lose track of time, that's gonna help you with that long-lasting contentment.
of course, number one, investing in our relationships. I remember it doesn't have to take a lot of time, but it's just connecting with someone on a deeper emotional level. Those are things that really stick with you. Those are the things that create that long lasting happiness. So what about that age old question, are people just born happy?
Well, I was really curious about this because I'm definitely a glass half full type of person and I'm... and I do have people in my life that are a glass half empty type people. So the question was, are some people just born more happy? Well, the answer is yes.
some of our happiness does come from our genetics. And we'll talk more about that in just a minute. But a lot of our happiness comes from you. And so even if you're a more glass half empty type of person, stay tuned, keep listening, because you can shift your perspective by reframing your negative thoughts. So I was really curious about what influences our happiness the most. Believe it or not,
genetics. 50 % of our happiness comes from our genes. 40 % comes from us. And that last 10 % it's all about our life circumstances. So if you think about it, 60 % of our happiness is out of our control. And that can feel huge. And that can be
why it's feeling so daunting. But coming from the glass half full type of person, 40 % is all up to you. And I know it seems heavier on the out of control.
And I know it seems a little heavier on the out of our control side, but that 40%, that 40%, that 40 % can make such a difference in your life. And that's what I really wanna focus on. So why do we seem so unhappy? Especially compared to previous generations.
Well, diving into research, there are several factors that contribute to this perception that we are less happy now than maybe we were in the past. One reason is an increase. One possible reason is the increased pressure and demands of our modern life. With these, with the advancements of technology, we're now expected to be constantly
connected and responsive. And we've lost and blurred the lines between work and personal life. I mean, just think about it. Before cell phones, if you were not home or you were not at work, you were not available and nobody expected you to be. There was not that expectation that somebody could call you. No one was expecting you to answer.
No one was expecting you to answer while you were at the grocery store. People can call you while you're driving, while you're out for a run, on a hike. There isn't that distinct, I'm not home, I'm not available anymore. And now we're constantly available. And if we're not answering the phone, if we're not responding to a text right away, especially if it's work related, and there
there is that expectation, then there's that opportunity that we're disappointing someone. And that, that often creates that internal fear so that we do keep responding. And as we keep responding, we're teaching people that we are constantly available. But you know what? We don't always have to be available. And I think this is one reason that we're really
Ahem.
And I think this is one reason that we're really feeling stressed and burned out. It's making it harder for us to find time for relaxation and enjoyment because we have that constant accessibility.
We're also connecting in a different way to others through social media. We're not just spending time on our own or time with our families. I mean, how many times do we... I mean, how many times are we in social situations with other humans, family included, and we're on our phones? And it is something that I've been very aware of in myself.
There were times, especially as I've been pushing my business, that I was listening to what my kids were saying, but I wasn't fully paying attention because I was still doing emails and I was responding to text messages or voxer messages and I was there with them, but my focus was divided. And both my kids are really good at calling me out on this.
So it became something.
And we all have different jobs and different needs to be available at all times, right? If you're in the medical profession and you have to be on call, yes, you need to be available. But my hope is that you then have a rotating schedule so you're not always available. My husband for his work, he has to have his phone on him a lot of the time.
Even outside of traditional working hours, he will get emails he's expected to respond to. He will get text messages he's expected to respond to. And a lot of them are time sensitive. And one of the discussions that we've had in our family is do we absolutely need to respond to that text or that email in this moment? Or can we finish the conversation with somebody?
and then do it.
become really good and I see this with my husband as well when something comes up that we do need to respond to that we consciously take the moment to tell the other person hold that thought I'm gonna do this first and then my attention's on you because we're not good at that split attention and it doesn't feel good if you're on the receiving end of that split attention because it's just too easy
to have that notification come up on your phone and quickly answer it. But you're taking your attention away from the person that you're talking to. And the crazy thing is a lot of us now expect that this is how we're going to live. So.
My son came home from kindergarten last year and I was trying to make dinner. I remember this very... My son came home from kindergarten last year and I remember this very vividly. We were in the kitchen. I was cooking dinner. I'm trying to do a thousand and three things, right? And he has this big story to tell. He is so animated and excited and I have to get dinner done. And...
He kept trying to tell me the story and then he go, mom, pay attention, mom, pay attention. And I'm like, I am buddy. I can listen with my ears and my eyes can be over here so I can cook. I am listening to you. And he said, no, mom, you need to look at me. My teacher said that you need your eyes to be able to hear.
And he has held on to this. I got this lecture this morning because I was trying to multitask again. And it doesn't take longer. We think it will, but it doesn't take longer to pause, pay full attention, and then go back to your task. And in those times where I can't, I do need to get whatever we need to do because I have a time limit.
being able to verbalize that and say, hold on, I need you to hold that thought, I'm gonna finish this and then I'm gonna pay attention. And I understand where this comes from in a classroom, right? Because if you have all of those little kid eyes watching you, you're able to see who we think is paying attention. But...
You can watch from faces who's getting that information. We read nonverbal cues so much. Those nonverbal cues are so important to our communication. And when we take out that vision part where we're making eye contact with somebody, that's how, especially my son, is reading me. And he's saying, are you paying attention? Are you getting this? Are you understanding this?
And as teachers, they're looking for that. I also understand as an OT that sometimes there's too much stimulation and we do need to turn down one so that we can amplify the other, right? So some people, for some people, it's hard to look and make that eye contact and pay attention, right? I'll even find myself if I'm really focusing and having a hard time understanding.
that I will turn my right ear towards that person, lose the eye contact, but they, I'll lose the eye contact, but be able to really focus my hearing on that person. It's like, you ever been driving in a car and you're lost and you're trying to find your directions or it's a lot of traffic and you're really stressed and so you turn down the radio? It's because we're turning down some of that.
that auditory stimulation when we're needing to focus on the visual. So too much sensory, we do need to disengage one part of our sensory system so that we can really focus, especially when we're stressed.
So when we're looking at our happiness.
So that, so being able to focus in that moment, that.
Part of when we're pulled apart in so many different directions, that increases our stress level. And that stress level decreases our sense of happiness. And so it's allowing us to be able to fully focus on one thing at a time. It's allowing us to be able to prioritize what needs to be done and come in and be able to put up the boundaries so that we can say, that thought.
let me finish this, or I can put this phone down for just a moment, listen to what needs to be said and come back. But it's all of that input that comes in that starts to stress us out.
Another line of the stressors that are another line of the stressors that can feel like it's taking our happiness is the financial pressures. A lot of us are facing the a lot of us are facing financial pressures, whether from living costs, student debt. There are so many things vying for our money and it can really weigh us down as adults. There's also the extra
added layer of decision making around our money. It can create anxiety about our futures. And then another one of our stressors in life is that social media again, and I'm not social meeting, and I'm not bashing social media. But I want us to be aware of how many times we see things on social media, that constant stream of information and how it contributes to our feelings.
how it makes us feel inadequate. Start paying attention when you're scrolling. Does this make me feel better or worse? We start comparing and looking at people's best versions of their lives and compare it to our own lives where we feel like we're struggling. And then we have societal changes that have shifted our values and expectations significantly.
previous generations might have found contentment in more simpler lifestyles and community connections because we didn't have all the technological advances that we do today. I remember as a kid, I grew up in a small town and growing grocery shopping with my parents was a social event because we lived in such a tiny town.
every time we went. The grocery store was constant conversations and connections and catch-ups, right? You go through each section and you're bound to run into past teachers, present teachers, friends, co-workers, and there were a lot of conversations that were going on. But grocery shopping, because of technology, has significantly changed for me and my family. I now
order my groceries online and then have them either delivered or pick them up. I don't go into the grocery store. I don't see different people that I know through my life. I don't chit chat with the checker. I don't chit chat with the person that is checking out my groceries. If I do go into the grocery store, I'm one of those ones that's guilty of going through and checking out my own stuff because it feels
faster. And so I've lost that ability, so I've lost those opportunities to connect and that social connection where things have
I've lost that ability to connect. Things feel easier because I sit on my couch late at night and I do my grocery order and then I just go pick it up. But I no longer am chit chatting with other people. I'm no longer saying hi. I just go through so fast.
I've lost that ability to have that. I've lost opportunities for social connection that could increase my happiness.
And because social connections increase our happiness, even engaging in conversations with a stranger can boost our happiness. And a lot of times as adults now.
And a lot of times, and because of technology, we're often missing out on those opportunities because as we're waiting in line, instead of chatting with somebody beside us, we're on our phones. So many of us adults are searching for that sense of fulfillment. We've bought into the story where success will bring us happiness. And we know that's not true. It's important.
to note however that happy
It's important to note, however, that happiness is subjective and it varies greatly among us as individuals. But research shows that building strong relationships, practicing gratitude, and fostering a healthy work-life balance are things that are going to help us find more joy in the long term. So I want to talk about some myths and see if we can bust them around happiness.
It's tempting to think that those big life events, landing that big job, getting married, having a baby, getting a bunch of money coming in, will bring happiness. But research shows those feelings are those happiness hits. It's temporary. The real long lasting happiness comes from investing in what truly matters. It's investing in the meaningful relationships.
It's investing in our own personal growth.
So I was curious, and one of my questions in my happiness research was, can I predict what will make me happy? Unfortunately, research says no. Bummer. We often think.
Unfortunately, research says no, even though my brain was sure trying to do this. I was tying my next big thing to what was finally going to make me happy. And what I realized as I hit my goals that none of those goals actually changed my life. None of those things actually made me happier. Each milestone I hit
it.
Each milestone I hit, it didn't change how I felt on the inside. It didn't make me any more happy. It didn't make me any less stressed because the stress just shifted. It just changed to being stressed about something else. It wasn't actually solving my internal search for happiness. We overestimate the impact that reaching a goal will have.
on changing how we feel and we tie we're gonna be happy to external things that really won't change it.
So I touched at the beginning about how happy is really feeling all of the emotions. And it's so true. Being happy doesn't mean that we're never sad. We need those life's ups and downs. That's one of the ways that we're...
We need those life's ups and downs. It's those ups and downs that let us feel that true happiness.
It's the same thing if our goal is to be always grounded or always calm. It's not possible. It's also not healthy. It's not what we should be aiming for. And I hear this so many times that we should be like the goal is to be calm. But have you ever noticed that true calm, true calm is not that low.
True calm is not that kind of even keel feeling. It's that feeling that like, yep, this is it. I'm good with this. It's that feeling when you walk into a test and you've done everything you can to study. There's nothing else to do. You know you're good and you're just like, okay, here we are. This is what it is. But it's not that level. We don't want level. We want the ups and downs. That's how we're gonna feel.
that deeper contentment. We are designed for a full range of emotions. The goods, the bad, even it. We're designed for the full range of the good. We're designed to feel the full range of emotions. The yucky feelings and the wonderful feelings. I hate using good and bad, but right, the ones that are easy and the ones that are hard.
the ones we like feeling and the ones we don't like feeling. We're designed to really have it all. And happiness is not just being happy and up high all the time. That inner contentment sometimes is just coming from, I'm okay with where I'm at. And there's research that really shows that sometimes happiness isn't about the happiness hits.
It's about not having, but instead it's about having more positivity than negativity in our lives. It's that balance, that scale, where if we have higher levels of negativity, we feel less happy. Higher levels of positivity, we feel more happy, but it doesn't mean that we don't have negativity. It's just about tipping the scale.
It's more about not having all of that anxiety, not focusing on all of the things that are going wrong, but just coming to a space, but just coming to a space where you're okay with where you are. And I think that is one of the keys to what I have found in that long lasting contentment is just coming, is just being able to be in the space of, yeah.
I'm good right here. And yes, there might be more that I want in life. And yes, I want different. But I'm okay just like I am, just where I am. And this is what it is. And I'm okay with it. I'm good with it. Those times, those are when you can really find that deeper level of contentment.
Have you ever thought that more choices would make you happier?
I definitely did, right? The more things that I could have, the happier I would be, the more options that I had. But if you ever watched a kid dig through a treasure box where there's a lot of different stuff, and then given them a timeframe of, okay, you've got one more minute and you have to pick, you can see the tension rolling on them. You can see the tension rolling off of them. That like, my gosh, they are not.
happy in that moment. They are stressed in that moment. There are too many choices. And that happens for us as adults, And that happens for us as adults, too. The more choices actually make us less happy.
Now one of the really interesting things, and we come back to 50 % of our happiness is genetic, but did you know we all have a happiness set point? It's like our emotional baseline. And while we can't drastically change it, there are things that we can do to help it shift along.
And while there aren't, we all have a happiness baseline. And while there's nothing that we can do to drastically change it, there are things that we can do to help shift it just a little bit. Have you ever noticed when something big and exciting really happens to you and you feel it and then you slide back to your baseline? Right? We see this in each other, I think more than we notice it in ourselves, but we have our ups.
but we always kind of slowly come back down to this baseline and our genetics determine that baseline. It's like the same thing when you're feeling really low, you eventually slide back up to your I'm okay baseline. It's that baseline of happiness. It's that baseline of happiness. It's where our genetics are naturally keeping us. But remember there's that 40 % leeway, right?
That's where we can really shift. That's where we can do things. And then we have that extra 10 % that's just life circumstances. And sometimes things are gonna go our way, and sometimes they're not.
So I mentioned at the beginning that there are two different types of happiness. There's hedonic happiness, which is those happiness hits. And there are those big bursts where we really feel joy throughout our entire system. You know where it's just like, you feel so good. It's like that sugar rush for your brain. But those amazing moments, we know they don't last. And we come
to our happiness set point after each one. It's like feeling great after an amazing concert or a delicious meal. It's awesome while it lasts, but pretty soon you're back to that set point. And if you're anything like me, it leaves you craving more. I wanted more of those happiness hits because they felt good. And it turns out if we constantly chase those fleeting highs, we end up feeling a bit empty inside.
So that comes to finding what actually makes happiness stick, which is our second kind of happiness, eudaemonic happiness. And eudaemonic happiness is all about finding joy in the deeper things, like connection and a deeper purpose, helping others. It's about raising, so eudaemonic
Happiness is what we can use to raise that set point, that happiness line.
And that's such an important key takeaway. It's not about finding more of those hits that make you feel good in the moment. It's about the things, the eudaemonic happiness, the connections, the sense of purpose. That's what gives us the longevity that we're searching for. So imagine if you had a windfall of money and you get that hedonic happiness, woohoo.
Now you have two choices. You can spend that money on you. You can spend it on something that will bring you joy in the moment. Or you can spend it to make someone else's day. Which one is going to make you feel happier? Well, research by Professor Elizabeth Dunn showed that folks who spent their money on someone else
felt way happier than those who just treated themselves. And I think we've all felt that at some point, right? That point where you've done something for someone else and it feels good.
My daughter every year loves to give out candy at Halloween. Yes, we go trick-or-treating, but the thing that she talks most about, the thing that we have to make sure that we do, is stand at the door and give out candy. I remember when she was probably four or five and we'd gone trick-or-treating and I never buy too much candy because we're usually out trick-or-treating and
We give out some candy before, we might leave a bowl out and we then give candy when we get home. Previous, when we get home. And I've had young kids, so it's not like we're staying up late. I turn out the lights pretty early. So she was probably four or five, itty bitty, and we ran out of candy and somebody had knocked at the door. And she ran to get her own candy basket.
that she just walked around the whole neighborhood to collect. To share that candy with someone else. And she was so happy and so excited. And that's what the research is showing. That we find happiness more of that deep commem- more of that deep contentment when we're helping others versus when we're just serving ourselves.
And research shows even with little ones as young as two that they felt happier when they gave treats to others rather than just keeping them themselves. It's like we're hardwired to feel good when we do good. Now we don't have to spend more money to tap into this kind of happiness, right? This kind of happiness is for free. It's just being there for someone.
We don't have to do big grand gestures and save the world. We can offer a helping hand. And just that can make a huge difference for the other person, but a really big difference for you. Have you ever noticed how doing something kind for someone else just lifts your spirits?
It's like magic. Plus being compassionate helps us connect with others, which we know is really important.
and
So much of our life, mine in particular, because I work from home, is disconnected from those opportunities for connections. I have to focus extra hard on making sure I still have those in my life so that I do have more of that deep level of connections. So I do get that deeper contentment in my life. But how do we balance this all?
Think of your happiness as a meal. And those happiness hits are the desserts. But the main course, the thing that leaves you feeling truly satisfied, those are the deeper level things. And we need to find a way to blend those short-lived pleasures because we want those too. Those are awesome, especially, those are so awesome, especially if you're feeling low or down.
having those happiness hits can bring you up. But it's balancing that plate with that deeper level, those gratitude. But it's balancing that plate with those things that fill you up, like gratitude, like connections. And there are some simple steps that you can take to increase your happiness. Number one, connect.
Find opportunities to connect. Look for ways that you can find opportunities to connect. So for me, because I have to consciously get out of my house to connect, it's...
It's making sure that when I stop at places on a regular basis, I know the name of the person, say the coffee barista, that I know that person, that I know the name of that person and I can say hi and actually ask questions about that person. It's making sure that I'm connecting with my neighbors and friends, that it's taking, like I did yesterday, two hours out of my day.
to sit and have tea and do a crossword puzzle and chat with a friend. It's finding those opportunities where instead of buzzing through the self-checkout line, we actually go and talk to another human. Number one, connection with other humans. We know not only increases our happiness, but also increases our longevity and our health.
Spending quality time in... It's connecting with those that we love by spending quality time in those deep conversations. It's having those shared experiences and it's making sure that we're connecting and not just going through the motions. It's like giving... It's that giving eye contact to my son that he desperately needs and wants. Pausing what I'm doing.
and focusing and not trying to multitask. I thought that when I read to my kids every night at bedtime, that was quality time. But my daughter, she didn't feel like that was quality time because I was reading to both kids and I wasn't engaging with her. I was sitting there reading. And while we were snuggled and it felt good, it wasn't filling her connection bucket. It's when we're face to face, one on one.
that she feels the deepest level of connection. And I have to admit, I do too. So while I thought I was spending that quality time, I wasn't spending time connecting. And that's the real key. So number two is, and that's the real key. It's finding what actually feels like you're connecting and connecting with other humans. Number two.
for increasing your happiness is finding ways to give. Help out in your community, volunteer. I grew up where my mom would always say, you need to do things with a servant's heart. You share of your time, you share of your talent, you share of your money. And even as an itty bitty kid, I was volunteering. I was helping others. So this is really deeply ingrained in me. And I have...
definitely been in the States where I've been going through the motions, volunteering just to do the time, but my heart wasn't in it. I was there because I kind of had to be, but I wasn't there because I loved it. And I felt empty leaving. It didn't fill me up. So it's key to find those opportunities where you are creating connections, where you are filling your bucket, where you feel better after you leave than when you started.
It's finding those ways that you can help others that can help you feel good in the long run, whether that's helping with animals or kids or the elderly or some other population. But it's finding those things that help you feel good too. And so the next big thing in finding your happiness is exploring those things that feed your soul.
And we talked about this in a previous episode, but we really do need to find things that fill us up. But we really do need to find things that fill us up at a deep soul level. And yes, that could be through religion or meditation, but it doesn't have to be. It can be doing something creative. It can be appreciating nature. It can be finding those activities that help you forget time.
baking bread, art, photography, dance, movement, whatever it is, those things where you really step into that flow, that's gonna help that deep level of happiness. And the next thing that you can do on a daily basis is to practice gratitude, taking a moment each day to reflect on what you're thankful for. Now, I gotta admit, I'm really bad at sitting down and writing what I'm grateful for.
I start gratitude journals, I start gratitude journals only to do them a week or two and then I forget about them. But I am really good at expressing it verbally. I will tell my kids and my husband all the time how grateful I am that they are my kids and he is my husband. I tell my friends how grateful I am that they are in my life. I tell people who help me throughout the day.
who load my groceries or whatever it is, how much I appreciate them doing this for me. Those moments of gratitude make someone else feel good, but also make me feel good. And those times where I'm in a really funky mood, I try to find...
And those times when I'm in a really bad mood, one of the, and one of my little tricks when I'm in a really bad mood, because remember, I know and you know, that if we go out for just a two minute walk a day, it's gonna change our energy and our attitude, is that I will go for a walk and with every step, I say thank you or I'm grateful for.
And it could just be those words, because sometimes that's the only energy I can get. And then as I walk, I'll notice that I can start listing things that I'm grateful for, listing things that I'm thankful for every step. And there's a rhythm, and there's predictability, right? Our brains love that. And it'll start to make you feel better.
It can be finding the things really little that you're grateful for. As you're sitting somewhere, feeling the sun on your face, a soft chair, a warm sweatshirt. And those things and feeling that gratitude, can change you physiologically. It changes you. It changes. It can change what's going on in your body as you feel that gratitude.
you start to find that you're more content, you have less stress, more of that long lasting eudaemonic happiness. And the next thing that will help you along your happiness journey is seeking out personal growth, challenging yourself with something new. But more than that, it's finding out the things that help you feel more content. It's finding and getting curious about yourself.
Because we're not meant to be here on earth to just stay the same. We're meant to learn and grow. It's a journey. And so those things that you're learning and growing and the self-development, that is going to help you with your long lasting contentment. And the next one that is gonna help you on your happiness journey is living by your values.
So often I think our values are something that trip us up because we're not always aware of those deep inner values. And so when your actions align with your core beliefs, you create a sense of harmony and purpose in your daily experiences. You also flow more because this alignment is like a guiding star. It helps you navigate through life's challenges with integrity and grace.
And by consistently reflecting on and refining your own values, you empower yourself to make decisions that resonate with your true self. One of our eudaemonic happiness.
One thing that helps our eudaemonic happiness is that personal growth and fulfillment. So embracing a value led life, getting really curious about what values are guiding you, and they are very individualized, will really help you find a better alignment in your life. I know with me, I wasn't always aware of what those deep
level values were and once I found those it was easier to make decisions that felt good and I had a lot less angst. So I'm gonna have you get curious. What are your top five values that are guiding you in your life? Understanding those, embracing those is gonna increase your own well-being.
but also inspire those around you to pursue their own authentic path.
And the next that is increasing, and the next thing that is increasing our eudaemonic happiness is taking action each day. Now this is not big action. It's small action. Remember we talked about at the beginning where writing down what you're grateful for, little things like that can make a huge difference. Now it doesn't matter how insignificant it may seem.
But all of those little things, the little steps that you take each day, they contribute to a bigger picture. And so it's the consistency that builds the momentum. It's a sense of daily accomplishments. It's important to regularly. It's the consistency that builds the momentum and fosters a sense of daily accomplishment.
And it's important to regularly evaluate where you are and are you aligning with what makes you happy? Are you aligning with your values? Are you creating a life that you truly want to live? And if you're not, it's time to adjust. It's time to put pause. It's those little things throughout your day that add up to the big things. And those little things, they really do change your life. It's...
And one of the big things that I have found that encourage my success, encourage my steps forward and make me feel happier is celebrating my achievements, no matter how small they are. a client who was sharing with me and one of the first things that we do in our session is she tells me the things that she's done well. This, the...
One of the first things we do in every session is she tells me the things that have gone well for her. The things that she has stepped up and done. And I asked her if there was anyone else in her life who...
I have a client who we start every session and she tells me the things that she's succeeded in, the things that she's done well. And sometimes they're little things, right? She didn't blow up when typically she would blow up at someone. And she said she had a really stressful weekend and she was so proud of herself because in the past it would have been a complete meltdown. And she said, I had one moment where I snapped and that's it.
dealing with all of these different people, all of these different energies, all of these different attitudes, all of the different stress and details that were going into this big weekend. And she had one moment and that's it, that she snapped. She said, I was so proud of myself and I didn't have anyone else that would understand how proud I was of myself. So it's one of those things if we can start changing our brains by training ourselves.
to congratulate on, my gosh, I did well at that. It's those little happiness things, no matter how small, that build up. But when we're recognizing them, when we're aware of the difference that we're making in our lives, it's motivation to keep going forward. Because it is way too easy to get lost in the negativity. It's way too easy to get lost in the struggle. And
It's those little moments when we celebrate those little steps, those little successes, they keep you going. It truly is a journey in this lifetime. And the journey is just as important as the end goal. And we find those valuable lessons that allow us to grow along the way. So one of the biggest things in that eudaemonic happiness is finding what psychologists call flow.
and we've all heard it and you've probably experienced it. But that magic flow is actually backed by some solid science. Have you ever found yourself so wrapped up in activity that you completely lose track of time? Maybe you've been playing your favorite instrument or painting or running and suddenly you look up and hours have flown by, you're in the zone. And that flow state
is the sweet spot where challenge meets skill. And it can be incredibly energizing and pleasurable.
And one of the things on a daily basis that you can do to shift that eudaemonic happiness is after a long day, when you might typically reach for a glass of wine or feel guilty and indulge in some comfort food, hello chocolate, these are the hedonic pleasures and they're great, but they don't help us in the long run to grow.
So what if instead of reaching for that line, you found flow, which is a different kind of joy. You looked for an activity like drawing or painting or walking, one that comes from doing something that's engaging and skillful. It's allowing yourself to have that immersive feeling, almost like you're floating on a cloud of creativity.
and it's not about the activity itself. is about, flow is not about the activity, but it's about how it makes you feel. It allows you to lose yourself and find a deeper sense of happiness and fulfillment. So how do you get into flow? The key is finding those activities that challenge you just enough to keep you engaged, but not so much that they become frustrating.
It's that perfect balance that keeps your mind absorbed and your spirit soaring. So next time you're looking for a little boost, maybe skip the second helping of cake and look at where you could step into flow. Pick up a guitar, a paintbrush, a pen, dive into an activity that truly captivates you and watch how it transforms your mood and your day.
Remember, happiness is not a one size fits all journey, and it's important to find what uniquely resonates with you. Embrace those ebbs and flows.
Embrace those ebbs and flows of life with an open heart and a curious mind and cherish the moments that bring you genuine joy and fulfillment. Pay attention to those. Do more of what brings you those and less of what doesn't. Whether it's nurturing relationships, pursuing your passions, or simply taking a moment to breathe and reflect, let happiness be your compass. As you navigate this complex life,
that we're living.
I want to thank you for spending time with me today. I truly am grateful for you. And I want to share because I think it is so important that you hear as an adult, just like my clients do that. I think that you are smart and creative and talented and fun. And I am so.
glad that you are a part of my life. I want you to hear because I think it is so important as adults that we hear, just like my client was sharing, that you are smart and creative and fun and talented and worthy and deserving and lovable. And I am so grateful that you're in my life. I love you and I like you and I will see you on the next podcast.
