Landy Peek (00:00)
Welcome to the Landy Peak Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Landy Peak, and I am thrilled to have you join me. In each episode, we will explore what makes life truly fulfilling. Happiness, deep connections, and self-discovery. Together, we'll uncover that happiness is not a destination, but a way of living. Now, let's dive into today's episode.
Landy Peek (00:31)
Hello there, friends. This is Landy Peak and welcome to this episode of the Landy Peak podcast. We're continuing an incredible series called Me in the Middle. In this series, over the next few weeks, we are going to dive into all those wild and wonderful changes life throws our way in our fabulous 40s.
Landy Peek (00:54)
Today I am really excited because we have a special guest joining us to talk about something I know a lot of us can relate to. That feeling that you're me in the middle.
You know that midlife balancing act where you're juggling a career family and trying to squeeze in a little time for yourself. I think we've all been there. Our guest today is Sarah Saum, and she is going to share her personal journey through this crazy, beautiful chaos and offer some tips on how to keep all those balls in the air without losing your sanity.
So grab your favorite cup of coffee or tea, settle in and get ready to feel inspired. After all, who doesn't need a little encouragement in life? So let's jump in. Sarah, would you share a little bit about yourself? Sure. I am a public floor occupational therapist. I own my own business.
I am currently treating women and just added pediatrics pelvic floor to my practice as well. I am also a mom. I have three kids, 11, nine, and six, who are all very active and into all kinds of sports and activities. So we are constantly busy. say my other part-time job is driving the mom show for her.
Then I also married to my husband, who is also insanely busy. He is a firefighter, a farmer and a seed salesman. So he basically has three full time jobs. So I am. I mean, of course, we're a team, but I'm the sole parent a lot of the time. So, yeah, it's a crazy busy.
beautiful life. It's a crazy busy, beautiful life. And I feel you having to I call it solo parenting. Because I am not a single parent, but I do parents all by myself a lot of the time because my husband travels. And you have your husband actually physically in the same area. But sometimes sometimes he travels with seed sales, doesn't he? Yes. And then firefighters he's gone.
every 24, it's 24 hours for every third day. Okay. I've got a friend here that has the same firefighter husband and has that shift schedule. So when he's gone, he's gone. And there's no like, Hey, can you come home? Can you take time off? He's gone. So yes, it's a really interesting space to be when we are in this partnered solo parenting because it all lands on you.
And I don't know if you're like me, if you feel the same way, but I tend to take it all on me because it's easier to keep the routine. If I just keep doing it all, which is an interesting thing because at times he's home and he can help, but he messes up my schedules and he's messing up my stuff. So it's like, how do you balance like being a partner?
but also like needing structure when he's not there. Yeah, yeah, I would definitely agree with that. I had to politely ask him to stop coming to our house in the mornings because I would be telling my child, you know, go brush your teeth. And then my husband would see him and be like, hey, go put your shoes on. And so then he was going to put his shoes on. I'm like, what are you doing? I told you to brush your teeth. And he's just going about like, okay, I'll do this. Okay, I'll do that. And I'm like, no, no, no.
I have to be the one giving the directions. You have to be the one that stops by and says hi, gives him a hug and a kiss and let me do the routines because we have our morning routines and you're not a part of them a lot of the time. So like I'm the boss at that time. Very lovingly, I'm going to say don't help. Yes. I love you. I want you here, but I feel the same because just that shift in routine.
can be such a, like we're gonna miss something. Like the other day, my husband currently has Fridays off, which is great, it's lovely, but Friday then becomes chaos when we're getting ready for school and we forgot my son's lunch. And it's just because he was trying to help and he's like, I've got the backpacks, but he didn't pack the backpack. He took them to the car, which is great, but we forgot the lunch. So luckily we figured it out, got lunch on time. But yeah, I feel you.
So tell me a little bit about your story in feeling like you're in the middle, how you perceive yourself, like where you are as you're doing this balancing act, being a professional, having kids, being a partner, all of the stuff that comes into play, what's going on with you around that? I feel like kind of like you said earlier, like you're the...
the solo parent, the one that is kind of picking up all the slack. I feel like sometimes it's hard to remember to take me time. I feel like I get so caught up in all of the to-do lists and things like that, that I need to remember that I'm important to.
I think I've gotten so much better with those things. Like as my kids have gotten a little bit older, I take more time to do my exercises and do like some meditation. I'm not great at doing it regularly or even just like a lunch date with a friend or even the lunch date with my husband when he's in the area. I feel like those things like have gotten a lot easier as I've-
The kids have gotten older, but also like things are so much busier too because we have three different ball practices and games and all of those things too. So yeah, it's just a, it's a balancing act for sure. It is. What do you find is the biggest struggle?
remembering to slow down and enjoy the time instead of just trying to power through and get the checklists done. Yeah. Any tips on being able to remember to slow down? What has worked? I don't know if this is a good strategy or not, but I feel like sometimes going through old pictures and looking at their baby stuff and
remembering how short that time period was and like reminding myself I don't want to miss that. And I don't want to, I don't want to wish any of that time away because it goes so fast. That makes me teary. That's, that's, yeah. And it should, because it is a precious time. And I think that's such a beautiful strategy because so often I think we focus on what's next, what's next, what's next.
And we get wrapped up in all the to-dos, but you're allowing yourself that space to look back, to reflect, to say, okay, this was a crazy busy time because having itty bitty tiny kids is a crazy busy time. But there's really precious moments there. And there's really precious moments where we are now. And we do need to remember that and slow down and enjoy that. And I love that because I don't.
know if we do that often enough of really seeing that that time that maybe we spend, you know, snuggled on the couch reading books is really valuable, is those memories that we're are those memories that we're creating. And I think it is such an incredible space and tip to be able to go back and look at that and remind ourselves why we want to slow down. Yeah,
I think sometimes we get just caught up in the like, the dues, the what's the next thing, like hurry up, get home, go to bed. Like, but like taking those extra little times to snuggle or just even like recapping your day. Another thing, it was in a book that I read and it was like a mom book, like not, it wasn't a parenting book. was like for fun book, but they did,
something you're sick of the day and you're sweet of the day. So, know, the things that didn't go your way that day or, you know, your favorite moments of the day. And so that's something that we try to do. If we're sitting around the dinner table, that's really, and I really like to do it, but sometimes it is like snuggling bedtime and it gives my kids like a...
a concrete way of thinking about their day versus like, what did, how was your day today? Good, you know, answer. But it gives them like something to like, yeah, this thing happened today and it wasn't my favorite thing, but this thing happened today and it was the best moment, you know, so it gets them talking a little bit more and gets it gets me a little window into their world while they're apart. So which I love and I love the balance.
where yes, we have a struggle, but we're also having to find a positive. And I think so many of us either focus on the struggle or like ignore it and just focus on positive, but being able to, because that's life, is having that balance. And the days that went really well saying, okay, what do you know, might've been hard and maybe there's nothing. And days that were really hard, let's see if we can find something sweet. I love that balance. And you're so right in like, if you ask, how was your day? it good. Okay, any more? Can you tell me anything?
It's a beautiful way to like start tapping into and having them remember their day, but also getting a, you know, a picture into what's going on in their world. Cause especially if they're in school or at daycare and we're away from them, we have no idea what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. It was also like my oldest, I feel like she's not great at sharing feelings or anything like that. So it kind of opened her up a little bit to, feel comfortable sharing like, this
part of my day really sucked. Because we don't usually ask what happened that was bad today. Exactly. So I feel like that was a good strategy to get her talking more too. There's a beautiful way to open those conversations to allow people and your kids specifically, but have that this is okay to talk about the negative. This is okay to share that I'm struggling.
And I think a lot of times we do focus on the positive and we're looking for that good answer. But what our kids need and what we need is that deeper level of I'm struggling here. I need help here. I need a hug here. I need support here. And you're offering that in such a beautiful way. Yeah. I think it's my favorite too, that they are always really interested in hearing what my second sweet word to, cause you know, usually it's just the mom like,
nagging them like, what did you say? You know, those kinds of But they always want to know like, you know, what was your second suite? So, you know, if I say something that like, didn't go great, then they're like wanting to, you know, recover that with me too. So it's an engaging thing. And that's such a neat space to be in because I know like as a kid, my parents were my parents, but I didn't necessarily see them as human beings.
who had their own struggles, who had their own triumphs, who had their own lives that they were leading, it was just my parents. And that is such a cool way to humanize you as a parent. your kiddos are seeing that you do have struggles and you do have sweet things that are happening in your day and that that's normal. Because then we get to grow up seeing that we're gonna have ups and downs and we're okay and we can recover. And that is such an incredible gift to give your kids.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm about the age now that I can remember my mom being this age. sometimes I'll sit and think like, of the things that she was going through and how I just couldn't understand like, I need to go to the mall right now, mom, like, you know, those kind of things where, you know, she was dealing with major
struggles in her life and I was just like, what is wrong with you? Like, come on, let's do this or even just like, why are you even being upset right now? Or why are you being angry or why are you being, you know, whatever your mom is and thinking now, like, my goodness. I wish I could go back and give her a hug at this age that I am now. Right? I love that.
Because it is, I've done the same kind of in this mid space of my life, looking at my mom and my mom, you know, in her 40s, like completely quit, went back to school, got her masters, like huge life transitions. And I didn't understand it at the time. Now in my 40s, I'm like, okay, I'm ready for something different. I want big transitions. Like, can we just like sell everything and move somewhere else? Just because I want something new and vibrant and change.
but I get those like reevaluating and also seeing that there were struggles that I didn't identify. And there were things that, yes, I would love to be able to go back and give my mom a hug and say, okay, I get it now. Like you weren't a bad parent, even though I said, I hate you. Like I get it now. It's just like, there were some also boundaries and a very selfish, you know, young being. And that's what kids are. You know, kids are designed.
and to be really self-aware of themselves and what's going on in their life, but not necessarily other aware. And it's a flip. can't even think of the title, but I just saw a book recently that I put on my TBR list that talked about how to get your kids interested into the more like family versus like their
Like you said, they kind of more egocentric and friend focused. And it's kind of been a cultural shift too, to be more focused on like friends versus like family. So that's what the book is like talking about how to like reconnect and draw your kid back into the family. So I'm really interested in reading that. especially as like my oldest is getting closer and closer to those teenage years where they tend to kind of just push away a little bit.
So I'm hoping, obviously, I know can't keep her little forever, but I would like to kind of develop more of that as like strong family values and connection. So. Yeah, I think that's huge. And I love the title of the book so I can put it in the show notes. So when you find it, let me know. But I think that is, it's this really interesting space as we have pre-teens and you can feel that separation.
And at the same time, they're such little kids at times and wanting to make sure that we have those connections, that we maintain those connections. Cause the whole point of growing up is that you're going to launch, but we don't want you to feel like you're launching on your own, that you still have a safety net, that you still have people that, know, like, I really hope my daughter when she's, I mean, obviously high school, but college and adult, I'm the first call.
to, my gosh, like life just fell apart or life is incredible. I want those calls. I still wanna be that support even if we're not in the same space. So I love that idea. Okay. So question around, how are you, and maybe you're not, cause this is a struggle. How do you maintain your sense of identity while being there for your family and-
growing a business and juggling all of these things. How do you stay Sarah? I've actually been thinking about this a lot recently because there's been talks that I've seen on social media here and there that say like, know, what is your little bio things say? Does it say like mom and wife and like, is there more to you than that? And I'm like, my gosh, I don't know. Is there more to me than that?
So I've been trying to think, you know, like what are kind of my favorite things to do and do I have hobbies anymore? I know I used to, but it kind of go out the window. You know, so I feel like that's where I've been trying to find my identity more lately is like, what things do I actually enjoy doing that aren't revolved around my kids and my business as much as I love both of those things? Like someday, like.
my kids are going to grow up and move away and then what am I going to be doing? So, you know, I've been, I've been really intentional about reading more because I really enjoy that. And I think it grows, you know, my mind and so some, some for fun books that are just relaxing that I could jump into. then some, course, like the self-help and, and learning books too. enjoy running for a long time. I didn't run because I
you know, was recovering from kids and pelvic floor issues and all of those things. So I've taken back up running. run, I've been trying to do a 5K every month. So I guess my new identity is runner. I love that. Yeah. And, and then I think just making time and spending time with friends too. I just said, don't make it all the time with their friends, but
I do think it's important to have time with your friends so that you have that sounding board of, this is all the chaos going on. And then they can kind of make you feel validated too. It's not just you, it's not just your crazy family.
Okay, it's not just me. I feel better hearing that. And I think that was important too, as when my kids were little, just having that validation of like, we're going through the same thing. And then also now, like you said, like preteen, like, my gosh, my daughter is like, you know, her emotions change at the drop of a hat and they're like, my, okay, good. Make it so there's nothing wrong. This is a normal part of life. Exactly.
So I think, you know, just trying to get back to the things that you enjoyed before you became everybody else's somebody else. Right. And that's such a huge thing. Everybody else is somebody else. Cause we are, we step into all of the roles and I did the same thing going back this last year, really going, okay, so my life is consisting of like mom, wife and business owner, but
What else is there? Because I used to have a lot of hobbies and I don't have them anymore. And so it was a conscious effort. And it sounds like that's a conscious effort for you bringing back running, bringing in the different aspects. Friends are such a huge thing because it does give us that balance of I'm not the only one with the crazy family. Like, yes, my daughter's fourth grade. And so, you know, we're hitting that preteen and the emotions flip on a dime.
And it's just like, my gosh, mom, you're the best. Okay, now I hate you. And it's like, whoa, what happened? All I did was like, look at you. But that's typical. And when you're hearing that everybody else's kids are that, you know, going through that same stage, when I'm talking at friends that are in similar life stages and it's like, yeah, I'm feeling the same way. It gives that sense of normalcy. That's like, okay, I'm okay. This is just life. And I think it's huge to have that balance. Yeah, absolutely.
So what have you really learned from this stage of life?
I think a couple of the things that I have figured out is how important it is to trust my gut. As a parent, you know, there's so many
There's so much information on social media and you're like bombarded with information all the time. You should be doing it this way. You should be doing it that way. And it's, it's so overwhelming sometimes. And you wonder like, am I doing anything right? but I feel like, you know, looking back, I, I really think that in so many times I wish I would have just listened to myself and done what I felt like was best versus, you know, pleasing someone else or, you know,
switching what I'm doing halfway through because somebody else had a different opinion. But, you know, looking back, if I would have just listened to myself, I think I would have been better off in most of the situations instead of, you know, trying to please everyone else. Like, I feel like that was a big turning point for me when I...
decided, know, I do know what I'm doing. You know, these are my kids and this is my family. This is how I want it to be. And I'm going to kind of block out all of the noise or now I feel like I'm at the point where I can filter it better. Like, oh, that's a good thought. You know, it could be done that way, but this is the way we do it. um. So what was the turning point to get you to that stage? Um, honestly, I think it's when I.
don't know if it's age or what, but at some point it was just like, I'm not a people pleaser anymore. Like I don't have the time to be a people pleaser anymore. I have to, I can of course always be kind, but I can't say yes to everything. And I have to decide what is right for me and for my family and for the time that I have when you're so busy.
Not a lot. So, like I said, I'm not sure if it was an age thing or just a busy thing, but something had to give, think, at some point. So. people pleasing is what gave. Yes. I love that. It felt good. It felt really good. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So how has that changed you as you've stepped into, I'm no longer people pleasing?
I just, like I said, I feel like I'm so much better at listening to myself and trusting myself. I feel like I just, I don't have to put on that show for anyone anymore. And if I say this in the kindest way, but if people don't like that about me, then
they probably aren't for me anymore. And yeah, so that's kind of the point I'm at in life. It's a really sweet spot to be in, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah. So what else has been something that has been kind of the aha as you've transitioned to this kind of middle point of life that might help people that are listening? A big one for me was asking for help.
I'm an independent person. I like to do it my way. And I know I can get this done. The biggest one I always talk about is like, honey, can you hang this picture on the wall before me? And it's like, yeah, sure, I will. I'll get to it. nope, fine. I'll do it myself. And I'm going to get it done. But I realize at some point that it's OK to ask for help.
imperative sometimes like, you know, you can't be in all the places at all of the time as much as you would like to be. So, you know, you have to let go a little bit and, and feel comfortable in asking for help. That was a hard one for me. It's really uncomfortable for me to ask for help. So, you know, I had to kind of have a moment with myself of
You know, you can't do everything on your own. So, you know, at first it was like, you know, being, being able to ask family for help, but even now asking friends for help, but it's not just, you know, can you do this for me? It's also like, Hey, I know we're both really busy. Could you do this for me? And how can I help you too? Like what things
can I do to help you and make your load easier? It's probably helpful to having friends that are similar to you. I have a couple of friends that are farm wives too, and they do a lot of the solo parenting. So be leaning on each other for different things. But I think that's the big thing too, is remembering they probably need help too, and they are nervous to ask or.
you know, are like me, are an independent person and don't even think about asking. So offering that to someone else is probably lightening somebody else's load too. Right. And that's such a huge thing because I think a lot of us are in that same kind of life situations that we're friends with. And it's a huge thing to ask for help. And I'm independent as well. It's hard to ask for help, but
In doing so, it opens the door for them to receive help. And I think that is such a huge thing to highlight is that it's not selfish to just ask for help because in turn we can help and it's setting the stage of this can be that relationship. I have a mom like that that's a friend of mine and we both solo a lot. And so we are that other parent sometimes for, know, she's the one that's on the school list that can pick up my kids if for some reason I can't pick up my kids.
You know, she's the one that is, you know, we're going out to dinner together because it's way more fun to go out together together with four crazy kids than me just trying to stay home and do something with two crazy kids. So it's that balance. It's like, let's, know, all summer we did adventures together because it's a lot more fun for the whole group to do things together.
but it's also allowing that support and that being there for somebody else and being that person that can pick up the slack because sometimes we need it. And our partners, although we love them, aren't physically able to be there to pick up that slack. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So one of things I'm curious about is what does it mean for you to take care of yourself?
Um, I think it means to make sure that I am healthy, both physically and mentally. Um, sometimes I'm like really good about doing the physically, physical things. Like I do my workouts and I eat my protein. Everything's about making sure you're getting your protein now. I drink my water and all of those good things, but sometimes I don't take time to do that. Like.
the mental side of it, doing my meditations that I know I should be doing or making my time for my friends or, you know, the phone call with my mom or my grandma, doing those little mental health snacks to be at my best mental health so that I can be there for everyone else too, you know? I feel like sometimes I'll...
get myself so warmed up tight and not even realize it. And then, you know, then you're, you know, your kid asks you a simple question and you're like, what? Like, why, you know, why are you asking me that? have 50 things to do. And they're like, like, what? I just asked you, you know, this little thing. So I think that's important for me is to remember to like, take those times to decompress, especially, you know, with the work that we do, sometimes it can be
a lot when you're taking on other people's emotions and things like that. And remembering to then like release it and not carry it all day with you. Yeah, like I said, I'm still a work in progress on that for sure. I think we all are. I am. I think I only get half wound up now instead of all the way wound up. See, that's huge. That's a huge progress. Yes.
I love it. just want to go for full circle. How you talked about you're kind of at your wits end and wound tight. And then your kiddo asked a simple question and how you began our conversation talking about how your mom was wound tight and you just asked to go to the mall and it's like blow up and how we're really kind of in that same circle. And now we're standing in our where our moms were standing when we were little. And what a shift and how we can
coming back to how you can understand your mom and go back and give her a hug. And I love that, but also reminding you to give yourself a hug because you're standing in that spot. And it's hard because there's a lot that you're juggling and you're doing a lot on your own and you're growing a business and you're in a healing, helping profession, which I think adds an extra layer of emotional.
baggage. don't want to, I don't know if I want to call it baggage, emotional stuff that we're carrying because we are hearing struggles from other people and we do care about our clients. And so if you're sitting here and if you're in public health, you're hearing trauma as well because that's part of the nature. But even if you're just sitting with somebody who's struggling with bowel and bladder issues, you know, who's struggling with pain with sex, like those are huge things in their life and we hear them and
we do have to have some boundaries so that we don't take them on and we don't carry them through the rest of our day. Yeah. It's a hard balance for sure. It is. Yeah. And it seems like it's easier to get the physical stuff in because we can schedule in the workout, but it's harder to care for the mental health side because it doesn't seem as concrete to schedule in. I'm going for a run check. did a run meditation.
doesn't feel like I have a lot of time and I have to all like shift energy run is keeping moving forward. Meditation feels like you're putting on pause and sometimes that pause feels very hard. Yeah, it does. I think sometimes it's easier to be in the hustle and bustle because that's where I live. And to be in the calm and quiet. was saying, I don't know, a month or so ago, I went with my
family to, it was my mother-in-law, grandmother-in-law, sister-in-laws, and we went and got facials and manicures, pedicures to celebrate my husband's grandma's 80th birthday. Wow. Yeah. And we were getting the facial. So of course it's like calm, quiet, relaxing. And my brain was going, this is boring. This is boring. Like I need to be doing something else.
It's hard to sit in that quiet and let your brain turn off and relax. Especially I think when you're used to being on the go constantly. Yeah, because we've wired our brain that way to be on the go and it does feel uncomfortable. I know I have a silence practice so I sit in silence every day. And I think it is such a hard thing to especially to start.
but to be able to allow myself time to sit and value that time, but to see how my mind went on all of these circles and all of the different tangents as I'm trying to get it to calm. And it opened up a lot, but it was sure hard to start. And I started with five minutes a day. And I'm like, that's not that hard, but I literally have to set a timer. And there were times I'm looking at the timer going, okay, got four minutes left. Okay, I've got three minutes left.
It is a hard transition because we are so on the go and we have thrived with being on the go. And especially, I think as professionals who've gone through like master's level programs or doctorates where we have juggled a lot and crammed our brains. And then this is how we have thrived. And then this transition to a wait, maybe we do need a little space. It's a hard shift. Yeah, I think I would have to start with a minute.
One minute's One minute's good. I've definitely built up, but it was uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Our internet has been out at our house and we can't figure out the cause or the reason. And my kids are struggling. They're like, what are we supposed to do? And like, you know, color, read. outside. I need my, you know, screen time. We need our tech fix. I feel it too.
Yeah, like, you you need to you need to find something else right now. We can't figure out what's going on. So it's kind of been a unexpected unplug, but it's I think it's needed. Yeah, I it is needed more often than we realize, because we rely on it so much. Yeah. Okay. So if you had one thing that you would like to share with
listeners as the takeaway from today's talk. What would that be?
I think, the whole essence of your podcast, just like making sure that you can still find yourself amongst the chaos, amongst the, you know, different life roles and everything like that. Just making sure that you still remember who you are. And if, if you're, if it's not quite clear anymore, trying to take that time to find it. I think it just.
it gets lost pretty easily when you transition into being a mom. I don't want to downplay how amazing being a mother is, but sometimes we just get lost in being a mom and being a business owner and being a wife that we forget to remember who we are. I love that. Just taking that pause to remember who we are.
Yeah, it's important. Sarah, thank you so much for joining us. I have loved this conversation and I truly appreciate the time you took. Yeah, thank you for having me.
Landy Peek (37:41)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And
As we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious because that's the fun in this world.
