Landy Peek (00:32)
Hello friends, this is Landy Peake and welcome back to another episode of the Me in the Middle series, where we dive into the beautifully messy, transformative spaces of life, finding balance in this midlife age. You know that stage where you're juggling careers, family, personal growth, and wondering, where do I fit into all of this? We've got a special guest who truly gets it, Katie Hedges.
Katie has a knack for turning life's curveballs into powerful lessons, offering wisdom, clarity, and a fresh perspective on what it means to thrive in the middle of all of it. She's here to share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and the kind of insights that will make you feel seen, heard, and maybe even a little lighter. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or just curious about what's next, Katie's words are sure to inspire. So find a cozy spot.
Grab your favorite drink and settle in. And let's welcome Katie to the Landy Peak podcast. Katie, I am so thrilled you are here.
Speaker 1 (01:36)
Would you take just a moment to tell our listeners a little bit more about you and how you're kind of finding yourself in this me in the middle stage of life?
Speaker 2 (01:48)
My name is Katie Hedges and I'm a mom. I have an 11 year old daughter. I never thought that I was going to have a kid. What did she? I'm sorry, she's talking to me right now.
Speaker 1 (02:02)
That's awesome!
Speaker 2 (02:02)
It's a nail polish emergency.
Speaker 1 (02:06)
Oh, got a nine year old.
Speaker 2 (02:08)
Very important stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:12)
very much, my gosh, I have to have this fixed right now in I feel that very, very big with my nine year old.
Speaker 2 (02:20)
Yeah, yeah. I like being a mom. I never thought I was gonna be a mom. And I do work and I work in a mental health institution and I also have a private practice. And I have a very interesting sort of body work.
sort of yoga, somatic experiencing, developmental somatic work that I do with people. then some people I can touch, some people I can't touch.
Yeah, and I've been on my own healing journey for quite some time. I'm 47. I feel like I've done a lot of things with my life. And I'm glad to be here. I'm glad to have somebody ask me questions that I get to answer.
Speaker 1 (03:23)
always asking the questions. One of the things as we first got on before we recording, we were talking about this space in life that I think you both, you and I are both in, and we have done a lot of our own healing journey. We are practitioners and we've come to this space where we're no longer feeling that real push to work with clients.
I would love you to talk about that, because you said something that was completely aha in my brain. And I'm like, yes, that's exactly what I'm feeling. So tell me about that existence where you've done your healing and now here you are.
Speaker 2 (04:08)
I feel like I had a part of myself. also, I'm an IFS practitioner, so I'll probably refer to the parts of myself that a part of myself that felt really anxious about not being okay or feeling broken or not understanding what
was wrong with me, what was wrong, like, and feeling like I had to fix something and
that somehow it started healing.
And I stopped feeling so anxious about having to...
do something to myself or do something to someone else. And it was like kind of a parallel between feeling this responsibility for myself, like something was wrong with me that had to change and maybe not being able to get to it inside of myself. then feeling like I had to do it to somebody else. Like if I could help somebody else,
fix themselves or if I could understand something about someone else or give them like some sort of cognitive information, then that would somehow be heal me or make me better. It wasn't even healing because it was in this mind frame of something being wrong with me and fixing myself. And so that whole mind frame started to shift.
as things as wounds started to heal and those that part of myself that felt like I had to do something or be something that was the other thing too like I wanted more letters behind my name or I would feel really anxious about how much education I had or an inadequate that I didn't have enough education or I wanted
to have this behind me to be almost like a better person or to feel better about myself. And it just didn't, and I would feel really anxious about it. Like I need more school. I need another training. I need another, I need to do something else. And it just doesn't feel that way anymore. It just kind of feels, things feel kind of okay. And if anything, I feel more overwhelmed by
The way that our culture or our society has us work a lot, or at least the situations I'm in right now can be really overwhelming. Helping people in an institution or a residential treatment can be really overwhelming with all the stuff that goes on. a lot of parts of me just don't feel okay with that anymore. Like I don't really wanna be...
in it. think those parts of me, like there's parts of me that have healed that were in that kind of lifestyle or even from the traumas from when I was a teenager, like they were still in that trauma. Parts of me were still in the institution. And as they come out of the institution and those wounds are healed, like I'm, I don't belong there anymore. I don't belong in that lifestyle. And it doesn't
feel okay in my system.
Speaker 1 (07:50)
Yeah, as you were sharing earlier, like it was that aha moment of as I have healed in myself and come to this space, I really don't feel that need and that push to go searching. And I was like you, where I was course junkie looking for more and more trying to fill this unmet need and thinking if I took this next course, if I got this next certification, I was finally going to feel
I'm not quite sure what, but I was going to feel something better and it didn't happen. I took that next thing and I still had the anxiety to take the next one and take the next one and I wanted the next one. And I, like you have come to the space where I just am not in that drive. I don't need to take the next one. I've actually reversed. I'm like now looking at my licensure going, no, I actually have to take something so that I can keep my licensure. I haven't taken anything all year.
But it's not that I haven't done things. It's just, that's not the focus. And I think there's something so huge in the way that you said, like you're just at this space where you're no longer trying to, and I hadn't keyed into maybe I'm trying to fix me in a way by helping other people, by making, know, giving them that support and pouring me into that work life that there was something that I was needing.
Speaker 2 (08:53)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:15)
on something that I was trying to subconsciously fix and change. And when you highlighted that, was like, that's huge.
Speaker 2 (09:26)
Yeah, I think I didn't know how to do it for myself. And so then trying to do that to somebody else, almost like vicariously getting care or attention. But it's funny because it wouldn't even, it wouldn't even work out. And now that I don't care as much, now that I don't care as much, I've gotten like more calls from clients,
People are more interested in seeing me, maybe because I don't have like that anxiousness, you know, or I'm not presenting with that anxiousness or I'm not like, come talk to me or I can, I'm probably just not putting that off and I have maybe more security in myself. So, and then that ends up showing to people.
Speaker 1 (10:19)
Yes. I think that's huge. Cause I found similar where when I don't have that, I want, I need where the clients, where can I do that driving pushing energy? When I saw that it's like there's a detachment and the energy shifts and it becomes an easier flow with clients when I'm not really looking in that same drive of clients. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:44)
Yeah, they stay in. And are you familiar with IFS?
Speaker 1 (10:48)
I am. Yeah. So tell a little bit about IFS for the listeners,
Speaker 2 (10:52)
I love internal family systems. It'll get called like parts work from people. And it was developed. It's interesting because it's not really something that the guy in America, Schwartz, who's like presented this in this like Western study through, you like you can go to the trainings and get certified in it.
It's like he'll even say it's not that he actually developed it. I mean, he noticed that people work this way, that people have multiple parts in their system, that they have parts of them that are protecting other parts, parts that aren't working together, that we have this, it's like inherent fullness, like our cell, actual self. And some people might call it your soul or your heart or your spirit. It kind of depends on what
you know what your belief system is or what if you're spiritual, how that kind of falls in for you. So we work this way. And when our parts are holding wounds, either from our traumas, or they could be from our family's traumas, like they get passed down. And they're carrying those things, it we're not we the relationship with our authentic self.
is not there and then we don't get to be ourselves. We're more our wounds than we are ourselves. And it's like having a whole bunch of kids that don't have a parent kind of running the shelf. it is used for, it's really gentle and it's really helpful for people who have had a lot of trauma.
because all those like triggers that you feel or the sensitivities or power dynamics, all of those things are the wounds of your parts. So it acknowledges those aspects of yourself and it acknowledges those wounds and it can help you heal those wounds so your parts don't disappear and you get a better relationship with them. But the wounds that they're carrying, those feelings, those triggers,
you know, the physical sensations that are being held from something in the past, those are able to find some other way, either maybe you're releasing them or it, you know, it's really individual on what happens. that, and even matching that with like somatic experiencing, I was thinking about this today, where something like somatic experiencing where you're noticing, you know, what's going on with you.
maybe in a hand gesture or the way that your throat feels. I was like, these are all parts of yourself, right? Like these are all parts that are coming up. And so the internal family systems is like, it takes that into consideration. And I feel like it's even a more gentle approach because it's not like the practitioner is not pointing it out in the client, but they're,
maybe asking questions or getting curious so then the client can discover it themselves, which I think is really important when you've had trauma, but if somebody's overpowered you or told you what was wrong with you, any kind of like control like that, there's usually, you know, there's a part of you that comes up that can feel like defensive, protective, or shame, but when you start to get that relationship inside of your, with yourself and with your parts and you're doing it,
with somebody else, it's very empowering.
Speaker 1 (14:47)
Yeah, and I love the curiosity about it, where we show some curiosity so that you can have self discovery. It is very different than just a straight like talk therapy. Very different than just for the listeners to understand it is a very different approach, but it is looking at little segments of you little parts of you in the whole and how it
impacts the whole. And I think it's a non-judgmental way to really get curious about what's going on.
Speaker 2 (15:21)
yeah, it's neat. it makes a lot of sense to me. And at first it was like, when I first started working with a practitioner, I was like, okay, I'm interested in this, but don't like bring it up to me. I don't want you telling, I don't want you saying anything to me, anything about parts, anything. I was like, I'd been in mental institutions when I was younger. I was like, I don't want to feel like I'm crazy or that there's something, you know, and she was so patient.
She was so patient with me. was so good at working with like dissociation. And like when I would go through things like that, but never like poked at me and I started to, you know, go on my own. Just, yeah, like you're saying, like my own discovery. It's really empowering to start figuring out. It's super overwhelming when you've had a lot of stuff going on for a long time and you don't know.
what it is or it's too hard to look at or yeah, it can be really overwhelming. Yeah, so you get to do it with a little bit at a time at the pace that's gonna work for you. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:31)
And it is, and some, we do have to go at our own pace and looking at those little pieces really does kind of make it from this big overwhelming thing to, I can focus on just this and I can focus on just this and be able to kind of start unlocking some of the puzzle pieces.
Speaker 2 (16:50)
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:54)
I loved how before we got on, you had talked about you were feeling like you were so far behind and you sat with your, your journey that you were like behind and learning behind and, know, discovering all the different ways to help yourself heal, but you realized you weren't. So would you talk more about that shift in the aha of like, wait,
Maybe I'm a little bit ahead of the curve instead of behind the curve.
Speaker 2 (17:28)
Yeah, yeah, I, because I did. And I think too, you know, when in like 2020, not go, you know, not going anywhere, I start I was going to school at the time, like not going out, right? We have all these lockdowns. But I'm I was going to college and I was in my somatic experiencing training at the same time. And I'm like learning all this stuff about like my physiology.
my brain, my body, and I was feeling really ignorant. I felt like I was really behind. I thought everybody must already know this stuff. And maybe some of it is because when you listen to some people, kind of in like the spiritual world, or even people that kind of get with like the science of meditation and
and they'll give you these instructions on how to, I don't achieve peace or whatever, whatever it is, like achieve regulation or something. And they're like, well, you have to sit down and meditate and do these breathing exercises and journal. And it's like, you just can't, you can't do it, right? It's like super hard, no, it's super hard to do. I'm thinking something's wrong.
with me because I can't sit down for five minutes or I'm having some sort of, I get too anxious or my mind is going or I start having flashbacks or somatic flashbacks just like trying to sit in my body, like no capacity there to do it at all. And they're telling me to do this kind of stuff and I'm feeling like you're telling somebody in a wheelchair to run a marathon.
And I'm like, I get it. Maybe one day I'll be able to run this marathon. But like, I got to get out of this like, you know, this wheelchair that I'm in. First, like I got to be able to get up and start walking and taking like these smaller steps in order to get to this like, larger thing, right? It's like bypassing, you know, people think that or like even spiritual bypassing, like just go and do this thing.
and you try to force to do it, but there's all these parts of yourself that aren't healed. So how are you supposed to sit and not think of anything when you have all these like wounds that are coming up when you're, when you're sitting there. And, so I was like study, was starting to understand more about what was going on with my nervous system and how my brain develops and anybody's brain develops.
developed based on experience and having like complex trauma. And then I was meeting other people and I was realizing that they didn't understand either. Like other people didn't, I would go into groups of people and nobody in there understood what like being trauma informed was. Like people were trying to touch me or hug me or just like kind of doing things that were
giving orders to people instead of giving options. I, it was a weird place to be not understanding if, was I being like too rigid? Was I being sort of overly cautious, overly sensitive, but then seeing that other people just didn't really understand
trauma themselves, they didn't understand their trauma and they were they were getting the same information as me kind of like to bypass what was going on with them to muscle through and to just like, do it, do it anyway, push through. And that is like a lot of the messages that we get even from, you know, like Western therapies and stuff is to just like do something anyway, change your thinking. But
I don't think that we really work. I don't think that we work that way or that's like super helpful, right? It's not very gentle. It's pretty like aggressive. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:01)
Yeah, it's really turning away from what's going on internally. Let's shut that down and just kind of push through to the greater directive of what we should do, supposed to do, how we're supposed to look, how we're supposed to behave, how we're supposed to act. But we're really ignoring all of the different signals that are going on inside our own bodies.
Speaker 2 (22:23)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It took me a bit to re like everything goes a lot slower. And I've gotten a lot more out of saying no to things than I thought I would. Yeah. No, like I did, you know, in my somatic experiencing training, we're in like the last year where you do all like this touch work and
I had already been doing, I'd already been training with Steven Perrell doing transforming touch, which is more for developmental trauma. So it's like backed up right to like younger, younger parts. so I, I feel really good that I was doing the SC training and the work with Steven Perrell at the same time, the transforming touch, because when I went in to do my last year and they would say,
they would give us directions on like, okay, we're gonna work on like the diaphragms in your body. And they're like touching people's stomachs and they're touching people's throats and there. And I was like, I'm not, I was like, I'm not doing this. Like I'm not okay doing this. I didn't even want to lay down. I was like, I'm not even, I'm not okay even laying down right now. And I feel really grateful for the woman I was working with because she was,
She was from New Jersey. I grew up in New Jersey. So I was like, okay, already I know. Okay, so she could handle some stuff. Then I found out she worked in a psych hospital. I was like, okay, I was like, this is awesome.
Yeah, I'm not going to do anything that's going to like shake this woman up. And she was, she totally listened to me. We didn't do anything that that we were given instruction to do. It was like step by step where she was going to touch me like on my terms. She and I don't even know. She just followed me and somehow ended up to like my back.
and she was holding my back and I have like, I'm somebody that you identify with having chronic pain. That's why I came to see you. was like some of the pain that I was holding in my body. And so she ended up like holding my back and that support of her touch and because we backed it up to something that I was okay with, I could.
there was parts of me that were renegotiating the tension in my body and how I was like bracing and holding myself and how I accepted support. And there was flat, there were some like images through my mind on where some of the bracing came from. And it was interesting because there was definitely, it was definitely a renegotiation like my
my body and my brain were like, what do I do? How do I do this? What do I do? And then I could feel like this woman at her hands on me doing everything that I needed to do. But I had to figure out what I needed and she was there to help me, you know, and maybe to ask me some questions and stuff. But it was really backing it up to these like super small parts and being able to
That whole like overriding, like realizing that doing more, wanting more was overriding my system. And I wasn't going to be able to integrate that experience, right? It's like eating a super big meal. Like even if it's really healthy food, if you eat too much, it's like hard on your system. Yeah. Like it's supposed to digest. So it was the same thing. Like more is not really better, even if it feels good at the time. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:28)
I love that analogy because I think we've all been there where we've eaten, even if it's healthy food, we've eaten too much and you feel that discomfort. Your body system is just not what you want it to be. And that analogy of that's how things can be where it might be good things coming to you, but that more is not better. That more can overweigh the system.
And I love that visual.
Speaker 2 (27:00)
Yeah, overwhelmed is still overwhelmed, right? Like it's still, yeah, it doesn't, yeah, it's still overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (27:07)
And the real key part that I've heard you kind of weave in is the going at your pace, having you be the guide and getting that support that you need. But it's going at your pace. It's the parts that are going at your pace. It's how in the somatic experiencing training, you were going at your pace. And I think one of the big aha things that our listeners can take away is that it's important and valuable.
to recognize what is your pace and what does overwhelm that system and how it is so important to be able to pace that. And that's healthy.
Speaker 2 (27:50)
It's really hard. I think it's hard to find that app because like we're we've been over like the way that our culture is. We've been overwhelmed since like day one, right? Like there's a lot of people born in hospitals. There's a lot of people that are like born into a room of people being like nervous or scared or even if like like.
somebody's pregnant and it's like, the baby's going to be late. Like getting that like everything like right away is like put on somebody else's like time limit or like there's some urgency around it. Like we're need to go to school at time. You know, even if somebody's not ready, like we don't have a lot of room, like women going back to work, like, you know, if they go to work, like it's a lot, there's a lot of pressure from the outside.
And I think that chronic pushing past your limits, being in chronic overwhelm, you have to do a lot of self discovery and understanding your parts, your wounds, where they're coming from in order to even see kind of what your limit is. And that's also your capacity for things to change, like something that is.
really overwhelming today might not be in a year from now, but at least in my experience, I've had to really back it up in order then to grow my capacity.
Speaker 1 (29:24)
Same, yes. But it does take lot of awareness and boundaries to be able to back it up. Cause you're a hundred percent right. I mean, from itty bitties, we are pushed, you know, to when we're supposed to walk and sit. And you know, there's that urgency around it. I have a friend who is going through a loss right now. And so there's a huge amount of grief and it's...
interesting to hear as she has taken time off of work to process how there has been really like she took a week off. That seems a bit long. I'm like, my gosh, she just had a huge loss in her life. And you're saying a week off is long, but it is that push to just override. Okay, you need to process those feelings and move through and show back up at work.
This is our society. We just push, ignore, shut it down and push forward. And I love that you're saying and suggesting that we pull back and that we are aware of that overwhelm because I think we put the blinders on and we're not even aware of how overwhelmed we are because it's just normal.
Speaker 2 (30:40)
Yep, it's totally normal. Just drink some more coffee and keep going.
Speaker 1 (30:45)
yeah!
Speaker 2 (30:47)
People will say to me, work like, I work 12 hour shifts. I work three 12 hour shifts a week and I don't drink coffee in the middle of the day. we're like at the end of the day and at like five o'clock people are like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm fucking tired, dude. Like I'm tired. Like I worked in a mental health facility. I've had like had to have other people's stuff coming at me all day. I don't get to take care of myself. I'm trying to figure out.
authentically how to take care of myself during the day. So that's like something that's coming in. But it's like, it's a lot, you know? And so like, by five o'clock, like I'm showing, I'm tired. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not reaching for things to keep like, pushing me through the rest of the day. So it's showing on me different than somebody next to me, you know? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:44)
Yeah, but we all are. And I feel that balance really deeply in, I can be full-time, quote unquote, full-time, where you pack in clients back to back to back to back, but then that's at a detriment to my health because it's a lot to push, push, push. And then you and I, both moms, so it's not like we get to go home and collapse on the couch and do whatever we need. We then check out of work and we're moms.
And we have family and we have personal life and we have, and it doesn't stop. And there is that. if you discover that amazing balance to do it throughout the day, I love that you have the 312th. So we have four off, but there is a crazy expectation and trying to balance that overwhelm because there, is a lot to be in that helper healer profession where we are with other people, stress and trauma.
Speaker 2 (32:41)
Yeah, yeah. I mean, think ultimately, like, I'm just not going to be doing like, I mean, I'm not going to like retire from the place I'm, I'm, I'm working at, you know, but I think that there, there even just that whole like, waiting until the end of the day, and then being like, now I can rest. Like, that's not, that doesn't feel like that might be what I'm doing, but that doesn't feel helpful for me. That doesn't see, feel like the answer. Yeah, that doesn't feel like the answer.
to me, you know, and then having some kind of, try to have like my little rituals that I do when I go home. So I can decompress and put it's hard, but it can be hard to have like this energy from the day and part of me wanting to rest and then part of me that's like, there's this unprocessed stuff.
that's going on right now. I heard myself falling asleep last night and I started like moaning in my sleep because I could feel like it was so challenging to start letting that energy out of me. It's hard to let. And when you haven't learned how to do it, I guess that's some of what you helped me with before. It's similar with like the chronic teen, like
not understand, it's like a processing issue, like not understanding how to process energy or emotions, you know, or emotions as energy. we learn, like when we're little, like we, we don't learn that because it's chronically getting overwritten and our culture doesn't have these like regular like ceremonies or rituals that help us like process this stuff that's been going.
going on, either individually or collectively, just like, it's the full moon. Like, you know, even if you're even if it's, it's very different when somebody is growing up in like, in a culture that that recognizes that kind of thing and helps process it. So we're not understanding that our bodies aren't understanding that and we're walking around with like, years of unprocessed energy inside of us. So once
Like I feel like I'm still learning how to do it, but there's definitely, there's definitely, like I understand that. And my body understands it a lot more than a year, two years ago, four years, four years ago. and I could, I could feel it last night as like this stuff was coming out, but it's still, I'm like, this is hard to relax and let this
stress come out of my body. It's hard to do when we're living in this way that we have to like keep pushing through, keep pushing through. And that's when I was like, this is silly for me to be waiting like all day for this to come out. There's got to be a way for me to do this. of course, if I have my day off, like that's easy. That's easier.
That's easier for me all day to find ways to like de-stress, de-stress. But it's like, how do I do that in the middle of my day when I have stuff going on, you know?
Speaker 1 (36:15)
Absolutely. I shifted to my own private practice, so I had more control over my schedule and gave myself 15 minute buffers between clients, which meant I served less clients, but I had 15 minutes to go walk around the block if I needed to, to be able to have some space to process, making sure I went out in nature. My lunch break, I went out. I did not just sit inside doing notes because that's how I had traditionally been trying to do.
because they needed that space. And then, you know, having my own little rituals where I did kind of clear the energy after each client so that I didn't have it carried throughout the day because I felt it. And when I had that back to back to back to back client and, know, I'm scrambling at lunch to do all my notes because if I don't, then I don't get them done. And then I would.
walk out and I was so jangled, but then I had to rush to get home and pick up kids from daycare and I never gave myself space. And then, you know, I finally get everybody to sleep and I'm sitting there 10 o'clock a night going, my gosh, I'm wired. My husband goes to sleep, are asleep and I'm wired here. I can't go down. And then it just takes me so long. And I timed it where at that point in my life, it would take me an hour and a half after
everyone else was asleep to downshift enough that I could go to sleep. And so then we become super, you know, strict with bedtime because I'm now like adding an hour and a half off of everybody else's bedtime. My kids have to go to sleep like six o'clock at night. Not really, but that's, you like, so I can be functional. Like you all have to be out because there's that energy
Speaker 2 (37:59)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:06)
I hit a point where I like, can't do this anymore. I have to shift, I have to change, I have to be healthier in me and around those boundaries, but it's hard. It is really hard. And especially when we're here to serve and you know, I got in a space of like, okay, this is what I do. I'm not loving it anymore, but what else do I do? This is what training is. But it was more just because I wasn't really recognizing the overwhelm and I wasn't giving a.
space than actually not liking the work. Once I gave myself some space and did more healing, then I didn't have that push to take on more and more and more. I could be okay with the space and I could be okay with silence. You know, I wasn't in my 30s till I realized that you don't have to have something always in your head. Like if there wasn't conversation in my head, there was music in my head. There was something that I was always like silence wasn't a thing.
And then in my 30s, I was like, my gosh, like I can have silence. There's not a whole line of thought going on in here. It takes a lot of shifts and a lot of awareness.
Speaker 2 (39:15)
Yeah, I still think I have silence in there. There's always somebody. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:20)
I
notice it upticks when I'm stressed. It's like starts upticking and I can come back. But you know, it works and I've worked very hard on a silence practice, but it took time and sitting there. And I remember like you, I think I can't remember if you shared it on when we were recording or before, as you're trying to even settle, like there's so much going on in your head and it's just a con.
Speaker 2 (39:44)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:44)
I feel that very big. Yes.
Speaker 2 (39:47)
Yeah, I like that about the the IFS because it acknowledges that and then helps you work with those parts, right? Because they're giving they're giving you information about something. Something's going on. And if you just tell them to shut up, like they're going to come back in some way or you know, you're going to get a headache later, your stomach's going to hurt like something something's going to happen. So there's one meditation.
called the path and it like goes through like a visualization, like you're walking on the path and you're, you're acknowledging these parts of yourself and you're asking them like, okay, can you go wait at the bottom of the path? And if they can't, you're like, okay, well, what are you scared of? Why can't you do it? So it's like, you're, you're learning how to get to that spot of being in that self energy and not having that the parts talk to you and not have, but it's happening in this like really
gentle way and if it doesn't and it's not it's also not expected to happen like you know the first year that you're doing the meditation you know don't know how long but definitely not the first time you know like but it's giving it's very gentle in that way to teach yourself how you know how to acknowledge those aspects of yourself and what's going on with them and I remember this is what I was this is why I originally I was like
Are you familiar with ISS? Because I read, I read something recently that was like, well, the, your protectors. there's parts of yourself that are like your manager, your managers, right? Those are the ones that are, are driving you to do achieve, to organize your stuff, to write all your lists that are usually better to talk to you. You to do this. You got to do that. They don't, they don't actually get anything done.
They know they're not the ones that actually that do anything. the more that that's so I feel like that that's kind of some of what happened to me is that those managers are more relaxed now and they're not pushing to do all this stuff. So, so other things are so other things are happening. That's why I have more people calling me. That's why I have more clients outside of my other job.
And that's why I don't feel I used to get real stressed like I don't want to be in I don't want to be doing this. This is too stressful. It's too much time away from home. And then I would get really upset because I was like, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to get out of this, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:24)
Back same place.
Speaker 2 (42:27)
Yeah.
But the, those are all like the managers like trying to get out of it. But the more, the more that they relax, then the more either options I have or my, my more relaxed energy makes people want to be around me more. Yeah. So then things start to shift that way.
Speaker 1 (42:54)
I that. I love how you reframe things. It's such an incredible gift to be able to take these big, huge concepts and then really reframe them in usable, tangible ways for people. That's such a cool gift.
Speaker 2 (43:13)
Thank you. Yeah. Yes, that's one of the things like I don't always people will will say that to me like that it makes sense. So I don't know why.
I don't know why I think maybe this kind of work, just started to click with me after having so many issues, so much like emotional and nervous system, like dysregulation and like, anxiety and depression and really like that up and down. Like I didn't even, I didn't think it would ever stop. I just thought that that's just the way.
I was, I really thought that. it felt really terrible. I guess when you...
been in those situations and then you you had to like get and then getting out of them I guess that's what I guess those are some of the gifts that I got is that like that became my understanding like those are my moments that I've been like wait this makes sense like this makes sense yeah this makes sense and I'm on going I'm on the right path because this is this is making sense to me
Speaker 1 (44:29)
I love that affirmation. This is making sense. I'm on the right path.
Speaker 2 (44:34)
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:36)
incredible.
Is there anything else that you would like to share or chat about before we are done? This has been such an incredible conversation. thank you. Is there anything else you want to share or chat about or talk about?
Speaker 2 (44:56)
Thank you.
I guess, I feel like I came from, I had some pretty serious trauma as a teenager and
didn't get and I had that like just get over it kind of thing like for any and even like coming with like the best intentions you know like my my family wanted me to get over it like this stuff happened and you know it's like my mom's trying to get me in school and she's trying to get me a car and it's like she just wants it like to like let me get on with my life but it you can't like you really can't
Right? Like it catches up in one way or even if it, some people, they just keep going through with it. Some people end up with like, you know, they have heart problems, they have blood pressure pops, something when they're a little bit chronic, you know, the Western medical system, people are like, you can find it and you can find Western doctors acknowledge this. You could find it in research, but it's not like.
me, it's not mainstream at all. But like you can find things that will back up like the adverse childhood experiences or you can see this relationship between nervous system overwhelm, nervous system dysregulation, having like even, you know, we have like intergenerational trauma, like there are things in Western science that back it up, but it's just not.
presented out there, people are not like thinking about it this way. So like I was in it going, going through it, feeling like I was crazy and I, and there is a way out of it. Like you don't have, you know, even with like the things like chronic pain, like you, I don't feel like I have, I don't identify as having chronic pain. Whereas like four years ago, like for sure I was like,
what is going on, you know, since I was like 14 or 15 years old, like I had pain up until like my 40s, like chronic pain. I'm like, my God, what's going to happen when I'm 80? I'm like, this is horrible that every single day something hurts on me. And I don't feel that way anymore. So I guess that that's the thing is that like, I just say with like the emotional dysregulation and like the
the ups and downs. Like it does not happen overnight. It's definitely something that happens slow. But at some point I started looking back and I was like, wow, I don't do that anymore. Like I don't get as upset anymore as I used to. I don't feel so horrible about, I don't go into like this dark well of despair when I start to feel sad anymore. So there is like,
Like there is a way out, there really is, even if you feel really, really horrible right now, or feel like you have a lot of stuff stacked against you.
Speaker 1 (48:12)
You're the way out. I love that. And I love the shift in kind of that, in that there is hope. If you are in a really deep spot, there is hope. There is a way out. And I think that's such a message a lot of us need to hear. And we're not alone.
Speaker 2 (48:34)
And I know it doesn't feel that way. I absolutely know it does not feel that way. But when you find somebody else that's been through what you've been through, and it might be somebody that you don't expect because they look so different now or whatever, but you do have to find that person or find that modality and keep going with it.
Yeah. Yeah, I feel crazy. was like, need to be after I had a kid and things like really started to come up like again, like I thought I was just gonna like get over it. I was just gonna be like a better parent. And these things are coming up and I'm like, my god, like I feel angry right now at like a three year old. I'm like there's, you know, or I would feel like nothing. It's like Christmas and I don't feel anything, you know, I'm like this is
Speaker 1 (49:05)
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:32)
This is stuff that I thought that I would just be able to get over. And so like having to, you know, find some way to work with that. And I was like, I'm gonna have to put myself in a mental institution. And I was like, can't, I really, really felt that way. But I was like, I have a kid, I can't go and do that. What am I expecting to get out of going into a mental institution? I was like, well, I mean, what I would be looking for is this like,
Like 24-hour deep dive into like what is going on with me? So I was like I can't institutionalize myself in a hospital I'll institutionalize myself in school, right? It is another institution. So I just that's seriously what I did So I was like I went to school and did and studied all the things that they would present to you I feel like I feel like I got a better I work in a mental health
institution now, I feel like I got a better education going to school, right, and under trying to understand like how the brain works, my brain works, physiology works, and then going through the somatic experiencing training and doing that at the same time as school. So I'm like, I'm learning about sensory and perception, I'm learning about bottom up processing, and then I'm going to the SE training and then I'm experiencing.
I'm doing it. I'm like, this is so cool. Like I'm not just, I'm not just like cognitively, I'm getting top down and bottom up processing at the same time and then continuing to go through there. And like with money and stuff, like this isn't like, I got a lot of grants for things. I got scholarships for things. Like I wrote to people, I did fundraisers. Like people get, you know, it's expensive, right, to go to this stuff.
But I mean, I did find ways to be able to do it. I mean, I put things on credit cards, but like doing fundraisers, getting grants and scholarships and like finding ways to help me out. You know, even, and then working in, then I've been working at the eating disorder clinics for two years and then they helped me pay for my internal family systems training.
There's ways and people want to support you. That's what helped me. Somebody told me that. said, people want to support you. People want to help you. And then that made it easier for me to ask for help, to be able to pay for the things that I was doing.
Speaker 1 (52:07)
Yeah.
You're such inspiration. I'm so lucky to know you.
Speaker 2 (52:18)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:19)
thank you so much for doing this interview with me. This has been such a powerful conversation and I'm so excited for people to hear it. If anyone would love to get in touch with you, what is the best way to connect with you?
Speaker 2 (52:38)
My webpage is bkadiehedges.com and it has my email on it. My email is hedgehogkatie at hotmail.com.
Speaker 1 (52:53)
Beautiful. And I will link all that down in the show notes. So it's easy access. Thank you. Thank you for taking this time. I so appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (53:02)
Thank you.
Landy Peek (53:04)
And because I think it is so important as adults for us to hear affirmations about ourselves. You are smart and creative and talented and fun and energetic and funny and an incredible human being. And I am so thankful.
that you are part of my life. I love you and I like you and I wish you all the happiness today. We'll talk to you on the next podcast.
