Landy Peek (00:00)
Welcome to the Landy Peak podcast. I'm your host and friend, Landy Peak, and I am thrilled to have you join me. In each episode, we will explore what makes life truly fulfilling, happiness, deep connections, and self-discovery. Together we'll uncover that happiness is not a destination, but a way of living. Now let's dive into today's episode.
Landy Peek (00:31)
Welcome back to the Landy Peak Podcast, where we dive deep into what it truly means to live authentically, break free from burnout, and step into the life you're meant for. This is Landy Peak, your friend and host, and today I am beyond excited to introduce a powerhouse guest, Alison Roberts.
She's the founder of unapologetic power and has been coaching since 2007. Allison is an expert in helping individuals and corporations understand how unresolved trauma impacts our success.
And her journey to discovering this truth is nothing short of inspiring. She gets real about what happens when you're doing all the right things to grow your business. Running launches, showing up online, networking, but still feel stuck. She shares a deeply personal moment of realization when she recognized that fear
was running her entire life. Every decision, every action, all rooted in fear. In this episode, Alison breaks down how she shifted from fear-based living to leading with intuition, confidence, and true power, and how you can do the same. This is a conversation about unlocking your success from the inside out. If you've ever felt stuck, frustrated, or like something unseen is holding you back, you do not wanna miss this episode.
I am so excited to welcome Allison. Allison, welcome to the Lady Peak podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:04)
And can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Speaker 1 (02:06)
Landi, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to be here. I have owned my company since 2007. So it's crazy to even say that out loud. it has taken a lot of winding roads, but the main reason that I started my company, it was used to be called outrageous freedom.
And then as I grew and the company grew, I changed names to Unapologetic Power. So that's the name of my company, what we do is we help individuals in the private sector and also in corporations understand how their trauma is impacting their success. Because, you know, when I...
was really trying to scale my business and take it to a new level, it just would not budge. No matter what launch I ran, no matter how many Facebook ads I ran or Instagram ads, no matter how many times I went live, no matter how many times I went to chambers of commerce, it just, wasn't budging. And so one day, because you know, I
I do lean a lot into my intuition and I meditate. And I went into kind of a meditation and I was like, what is wrong? Like, why am I so stuck? And I felt so much like nausea in my body and my heart started racing. And I realized that my shoulders were up to my ears and I was clenching my fist. And I'm like,
Okay, so I'm having a physiological response to the question that I just asked myself and I was just terrified. I was terrified and that's when I realized that I was operating my whole life from a place of fear. Like every decision was based in fear, every single one of them and it changed my life.
Speaker 2 (04:15)
That's incredible. I think a lot of humans out there listening can really resonate with that feeling that we are living our lives in fear. And there are so much to that in how, you know, if we think about putting ourselves out there, we're afraid and you feel that physiological response of, my gosh, am I gonna get judged? Am I gonna have this, that and the other that the brain pops up for you?
and how that's really the undercurrent of, think, a lot of people's lives. So with that fear that came up, with that physiological response, what did you do with it? What came next?
Speaker 1 (04:54)
wish I could say that I put a cape on, you know, and went out and like made the world happen. But it actually made me retreat even more. because I went into this place of, great, I'm broken. now I'm just, and who am I? The whole imposter syndrome, like who am I to be helping people build their businesses and have success? And I was successful.
It wasn't like I was broke or anything. I just really wanted to go to that next level, partly because I'm Aries and we just, we're ambitious and we just never stop. But the other part was that, I had financial goals I wanted to meet and I wanted to hire on new staff and I wanted to do all these things that I couldn't do without bringing in more money. I just couldn't justify it, right?
I was just like, well, then I went to the spiritual bypassing place of, know, well, God must not want me to grow. And so I'm just going to stay, you know, where I am. And this is a message. This is a sign. And of course that's complete bullshit. it is. But I went through all of that, like for two and a half years of just hiding and second guessing myself.
Speaker 2 (06:08)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:20)
still showing up, clients and everything, like everything's great, everything's wonderful. And it was, but there was just that piece of me that was like, get it together girl, like come on, you know?
Speaker 2 (06:35)
Absolutely, I know that story very very well.
Speaker 1 (06:38)
think a lot of people do. I really do.
Speaker 2 (06:41)
I think there's a lot of us, especially those quote unquote successful people, very high functioning. We have businesses, we push ourselves, we have a face out there and we're smiling. And there is a piece that's like, my gosh, I can't get to where I want to go. And there's a piece of me that feels broken. There's something that's just this mismatch between how I'm showing up, how I'm feeling, my belief systems, and the goals and places that I want to go.
I think it's a story for a lot of us.
Speaker 1 (07:13)
I really do too. I really do. And it wasn't until I went on vacation, I had to go away. Not on a working retreat, not on it. No one's coaching retreat, nothing. I mean, I went away by myself. And I didn't turn on the TV. I didn't turn on my computer. I did a lot of walking on the beach.
I late, I stayed up late, watched a couple of things on my phone, but really the whole purpose of the getaway was to tap into that little girl inside of me that I originally two and a half years before had felt her fear. And I grew up in a more than dysfunctional
I mean, I got into therapy when I was 19 and I remember telling my therapist everything that had happened in my childhood. And she just sat, she's an older lady and she sat back in her chair and she said, holy shit.
You know, and when you like, when you see a therapist do that, it's like, this is bad. You know, but, but, but she was saying, Holy shit. Because she was like, I cannot believe how well you're doing. She's like, that's why I said, Holy shit. I can't believe that you're not on drugs. I can't believe that you're not an alcoholic. I can't believe that you're not, you know, a prostitute with a needle in your arm somewhere. She's like, because you should be like, honestly.
Like you very easily could be everything that you've been through, right? And so I remembered that on this retreat that I took and I'm like, there's something inside of me that knows the decision to make. And I had to tap back into
the parts of me, instead of looking out there somewhere and reading a gazillion social media posts and trying to find the answer, I realized that.
I make good decisions for myself.
Speaker 2 (09:45)
love that. Right there.
Speaker 1 (09:46)
Yeah.
mean, I make mistakes. I'm not perfect. know, and some of the decisions that I make, don't get the outcome that I want, but the core of my decision-making, because I'm so careful and so calculated, and I think about the outcomes, I think about all the possible outcomes, I actually do end up making some pretty good decisions.
Speaker 2 (10:14)
Yes. And I love how you said it was stopping looking outside and started tuning into the inside. What's going on inside you? What is that voice and that inner child telling you? And that realization that you do make good decisions, that this is for you. And yes, of course, we all make mistakes and we have learning lessons and you we're not going to get it right 100%. But in the broad sense,
it comes down to you do make good decisions. And that is such a powerful thing for people to hear. Because I think of a lot of us tune in and say, overall, I do make good decisions in my life.
Speaker 1 (10:55)
Yes. I think that we were just so accustomed to beating ourselves up and second guessing. Absolutely. You know, that if you can make that a mantra, if you don't take anything else away from today's podcast, right? If you can make that a mantra of like, I make the best decisions for me at the time, then you calm down. mean,
Speaker 2 (11:04)
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (11:24)
You just calm down. And I calmed it down on that beach. Like when I came to that realization, I was like, wow. Yeah. like in the moment, you really have made really good decisions for yourself. breathe. know, I also realized that I was trying to scale.
my company by doing all of these things on the outside that didn't feel right. Yes. huh. And that's why they weren't working. You know, because I just, kept paying one person to do something and then paying another person to do something else and then paying another person to do something else. And you know, I don't mind paying people money. That's, that's how the world goes round. But when you're paying the money and you're not seeing the results,
It's frustrating. Yeah. And then I realized that I was actually putting more trust in people who didn't own my company and scaling the company than I was in myself.
Speaker 2 (12:24)
It is.
Absolutely, I've been there. Where you're looking for that expert to be able to come in, swoop in and like, I totally had the princess syndrome of I was going to find that expert that would swoop in and quote unquote save me. Even though like if I looked around, life was good. Like I was doing good. I just wasn't doing where I thought I should be. And so I'm looking at, can this expert be the one? You know, can I get
you know, somebody to write my copy that's writing it better than me, but that doesn't know my clients as well as me. And so trust, like, and find, you know, this marketer that's going to do the thing that is doesn't know my clients. And I am trusting that they know it better and that they're going to present it better and be out there in a better way because I didn't trust myself. I could put faith in someone else. And if
Speaker 1 (13:33)
Amen.
Speaker 2 (13:36)
It really is that flip when you start putting faith in yourself instead of faith in the expert guru out there.
Speaker 1 (13:44)
Yeah, I mean, that was my language. You just spoke all of my language. I love that. and so what I did was I made a decision that week that my net work equaled my net worth.
Speaker 2 (14:05)
interesting.
Speaker 1 (14:06)
Yes.
And I took a look at the people that I was surrounding myself with to build my business, not my clients, my client. always, I'm so blessed because I've always had amazing clients. really, I really have. So my client base is good. It's always been good. I didn't need to fix that. But I'm like, you know, I want to grow and I need a new audience to do that.
And I didn't have any team players, none zero, because I had focused so much on hiring people that I hadn't focused on meeting people and collaborating with people.
Speaker 2 (14:49)
Yes.
Speaker 1 (14:51)
And so that's what I started doing. And that was in 2015. I doubled my business from 2015 to 2017 in that timeframe. I doubled my business and it by just networking and it blew my mind.
Speaker 2 (15:13)
It really is, I had a similar experience and I always called it relationship-based growth. And it was creating relationships and looking at people not as how are you going to help me, but how can I create a relationship with you? How can we work together? How can I support you and not just that taking energy of how you can support me? And it started shifting in such a big way.
and how, I related to people, but how my business grew. It felt good. wasn't this, as I, you know, I found myself starting to watch people and go, ooh, you'd be somebody great to connect with because you have my clients and you can, you know, and there was a very taking energy. And when I flipped that script and was able to go, okay, so I'm just building relationships. I'm gonna see how I can help you. A, I got a lot more friends.
because there's a lot of incredible people out there that were working with my clientele, but I also felt really good in my business and people could feel that energy shift. And so it started just being this natural, I wasn't really pushing and doing anything like I had been, but started to feel that growth because there is that support, because you're creating that community.
Speaker 1 (16:30)
Exactly. And you know, there are, there's a lot of DMS right now, you know, where people are like, you know, this is what I do. I'd love to help you. They're really saying is, you know, hire me. And it was so interesting because I started sending DMS to people when I came back from that trip, you know, I love your content. No.
Speaker 2 (16:45)
Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:58)
I saw your post yesterday about this. And at first there was like no kind of response because people are like, okay, she's just trying to date me, you know, so that I can give her money kind of thing. But the more I did it, you know, and the more I commented because I truly did love their content and because I really did appreciate the post. And I, you, I set all of my agendas to the side.
And I said, you know, I want them, I want to learn about Landy and I want Landy to learn about Allison just because like, and if it goes somewhere great and if it doesn't, that's okay too. because guys do that. If you look, if you go on LinkedIn and you look at men's posts, not selling to each other at all. They're just supporting one another.
I mean, they're really good at it in business. They're very good at it. And we're not. mean, I have a tendency to just kind of go through posts and look at them. And I don't think that it's because we have ill intentions. I just think that we're just, we don't trust ourselves. Women don't trust ourselves in business. That's where our trauma takes us. Our trauma takes us to, you know,
let's collaborate. Let's go here and there. Let's be hustle and grinding all the time. And the support has to equal something. And if we don't get anything out of this couple of posts and we move on to the next person, I mean, and that is trauma showing up. is women's trauma showing up saying, I don't know what I'm doing. I hope you can rescue me and help me because I'm floundering right now. I mean, that's just, and it's not our fault. It doesn't mean that we're bad people.
No, it just means that we have unhealed trauma. That's all it is.
Speaker 2 (18:55)
And I love how you reframed that because there is that component of trauma underneath because we, and I think a lot of it comes from our experiences as little girls in what we were expected, how we were supposed to show up, how we were supposed to people please, how we were really supposed to be the best, at least the messages I got as a child, know, show up as the best and have that, there wasn't.
necessarily that collaborative approach with girls. It was very much getting to be the best and not necessarily, you know, how can we be a team in this effort? But, you know, looking at grades, looking at different things that, you know, I had, like you're looking for the top slot. I became an entrepreneur big out of necessity.
And I didn't know what I was doing and it was very insecure. And then as I looked to different coaches, there's that same approach because, and as I'm hearing, there's that underlying female trauma that's coming in that probably was running the undercurrent for my coaches. That was really amplifying, this is how you do it, which perpetuated that feeling of how am I gonna get, how am I gonna show up?
How am I going to do this where I'm panicking inside and trying to put on a pretty face outside? And it wasn't working. And it was really making me sick.
Speaker 1 (20:17)
Right.
Yeah, and a lot of women, know, I mean, the movie Mean Girls was made for a reason. We can be really, really mean to each other. it's, it's not because we're mean. It's not because we're bad. It's not because we're broken. It's because we're terrified. And we're terrified because we believe that we're not enough or that there's not enough clients or that there's not enough
you know, money and all these things. And so we get really unnecessarily competitive. And that's when we isolate ourselves in our business and we try to just get it all done with either hiring other people to do it, to do something that we believe that we can't do. Or, you know, if we're not hiring people, we just sit behind our desk by ourselves all day long, instead of trusting the women's networking business, you know,
opportunity instead of trusting going to our local chamber instead of trusting starting a meetup and having people come and you you just build relationships like we're just not taught how to do that in school. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:39)
Absolutely. how, and I'm just going to swing back to that isolation because I think so, and I felt it. Absolutely. Especially being solo practitioner, how isolating it was and how much I had the mindset almost like a badge of honor. If I could do it myself, you know, having the mantra, I can do hard things.
Speaker 1 (21:59)
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (22:03)
and pushing through and doing it myself and not necessarily asking or even thinking about asking for help in personal life and business life, really trying to push that forward.
I can push through. I didn't even think about asking for help. And there's something that like, if I could almost proving my worth, push through all on my own. Like if I could learn the amount of stuff that I could have hired out, cause it's not that I didn't have the money.
Speaker 1 (22:22)
Yes.
Speaker 2 (22:31)
is that I had the mindset that I needed to do it. I needed to learn how to create a website, create a landing page, that I needed to learn all of the backend stuff because that was going to make me, I don't know, better and have more value. Things that I could have spent my time elsewhere in more joyful activities instead of all of the push to just learn and do and take the next course and take the next coaching thing and...
really tried to push my business. And one of my biggest struggles was I never celebrated anything I did. And so when I had my first 10K month, it was like, awesome, 15K is next. And there wasn't even a, my gosh, look what you did. It was literally the next thing. And it wasn't until I hit a 20K month and the coach at the time, it was phenomenal. She's like,
Hold your horses. We're not going to 25. We're stopping right here and we are celebrating. What are you doing? And so she made me go out and celebrate with family. She's like, I want a report of what you did. You go out to dinner, you go to the movie. I don't care what you do, but you have to report back that you paused and celebrated. Cause I was on this like go train where it still wasn't good enough.
I hadn't hit the next thing and I never gave myself a chance to pause and say, but I hit this one. I hit that goal. It was a continual roll of, okay, check next. And it's such a toxic thing that I'm pushing myself so hard. And I burned out doing it and had to pause and had to really take a step back from my business going, okay, this isn't sustainable and this isn't making me happy.
Speaker 1 (24:26)
And I know I sound like a broken record, but that is a trauma response. Trauma response to just be like, you know, I'm not enough. And the thing about it is, that, you know, Jim Carrey talked about this in an interview that he did like 10 years ago. Like he wished that every person could have every single thing that they ever wanted, you know, all the money, the promotions, the part for the movie or whatever the thing is, right? And then realize that
Speaker 2 (24:29)
It is a trauma response.
Speaker 1 (24:57)
the amount of not enoughness that you have inside of you is not cured by any of those things. It's not. It's not. It's not. I know. Cause I had a $55,000 month and my coach, this was a few years ago and my coach was going insane. know, I'm like, yeah, but I know I'm not going to do it next month. know, I'm not.
Yeah, I like, I know I'm not going to do it next month. And so when she's like, well, I know that you're not going to do it next month either because you're not launching next month. But can just stop and acknowledge the fact that you sold $55,000 in services? And I'm like, but I haven't collected the money. And she's like, oh my god, all of a sudden I'm to you.
Speaker 2 (25:48)
I had the exact same conversation, but it's not in my bank account. That is for payment plans that are going to be going the next four months. Always the excuse.
Speaker 1 (25:59)
Right, to not celebrate. Always finding the reason to say, see, I'm not enough. Why won't you agree with me? Why won't you agree with me that I'm not enough? I don't understand, you know? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:01)
Yes.
my gosh, that undercurrent of why won't you agree with me? I hadn't identified, but it is so there. It is of like, okay, I'm almost trying to prove that I'm not enough. And if I get the accolades of yes, you're enough, this is it. It's I can't believe it. I can't own that.
Speaker 1 (26:23)
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:33)
response, a hundred percent, but it's an unidentified one because it's not in the big fight, flight or freeze. It's not in the something that's like, my gosh, this horrible thing happened to me. And I'm, you know, really responding to something around a specific situation. It's going through our thoughts and our beliefs and the patterns that we have in life.
Speaker 1 (26:51)
It's so insulated. Friends.
Yes, and it's just, it's so slimy because it's like you said, it's not something that's written on the wall. That's like you're traumatized, you know? And in our culture, we're supposed to hustle, grind. know, if you're an entrepreneur, you're supposed to work 20 hours a week, you know, nine days a week and be burned out and stressed out all the time. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:23)
like, you know, a big medal if we did all of that.
Speaker 1 (27:26)
Yes.
And I, that's when I knew that I had healed some of my deepest trauma. It's been, I was like, what would life feel like if I only worked 30 hours a week? I, you know, and I've earned it because I used to work 70 hours a week, you know? But I shouldn't have to earn it.
You know, that's the other part is that you don't already earned it. You earned it when you were born. You know, yes.
Speaker 2 (28:01)
Yes.
Absolutely. One of the things my therapist told me was one of my excuses for not making it to the point that I needed to make it, whatever that next abstract goal was, is I said, you know, if I get that big, there's the fear that's coming in. Like those people already always anybody in my little story was anyone that made it big had
bad things happen to them. And I was like, okay, so if I'm gonna make it big, then bad things are gonna happen to me. And my therapist looks at me she's like, Landi, they already have, check that box and move on. Like, let's let go of that story because you don't have to be looking for the next hard thing and how are you gonna make it hard and how are you gonna survive that?
Speaker 1 (28:33)
Agreement.
Speaker 2 (28:56)
You know, looking for that next problem that allowed me to make it big. And instead, like, check, you've already done it. You've already done the hard stuff. Let's relook at this story that you're clinging to because it's the story that's stopping you. It's not anything else. It's what I'm telling myself. And it really was like pausing and doing some inner child work of like, OK, so what does that little girl believe?
Speaker 1 (29:06)
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:23)
What is planted in my garden of beliefs that I need to go back and weed out?
Speaker 1 (29:29)
Yeah. And you know, the thing that I feel like is really important to say about inner child work is that it's not about blaming our parents. And in the inner child work that I do with my clients, I actually introduce them to the inner children of their mom and dad. And we hang out, their inner child hangs out with the inner children of their parents and their grandparents. And you really
Speaker 2 (29:38)
No.
Speaker 1 (29:58)
start to see that like, this is nobody's fault. Like, and I was abused, like purposefully and narcissistically sociopathic logically abused by two parents. And I still through my inner child work saw that it really at the end of the day, was not their fault.
Speaker 2 (30:22)
It's a big step to take as a human when you look at your parents as that inner child, right? You see their little inner beings and there can be empathy of, okay, they got a wrong but they're doing the best that they can. They were hurt too. And this is often a generational hurt that's coming down. It's not like, you know, my grandparents had things that, you know, happened that
Speaker 1 (30:38)
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:48)
passed down to my parents, they passed down to me, there's behaviors, there's maybe different thoughts and beliefs that are coming through. And when you can look at them as humans, not as your parents, but as beings that are struggling, that was a huge shift where it's not the blame game. It's really, okay, so we did the best they can. This is where they are. This is what happened. And we can really have empathy. And I think that was a huge, huge thing for me.
in being able to like let go and step into focusing on what I need and what my inner little girl needed.
Speaker 1 (31:26)
Exactly. And, know, I was explaining the process to one of my clients and she was like, well, don't, you know, don't expect me to have a relationship with my parents. And I said, I don't, I'm not, I'm not asking you to do any of that. was like, empathy doesn't mean forgiveness and forgiveness doesn't mean access or participation. So, you you get to do whatever you want to do. It's just that you're going to be in a place of freedom.
to make those decisions instead of imprisonment, making decisions. And she was just like, whoa, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:04)
huge.
It is and it doesn't. The part I really love is that you don't have to have conversations with those people. This isn't about going back and doing anything with your parents or your caregivers or whoever was involved in trauma or experiences that happened, but really going, okay, I'm able to see them as a human who struggled and
Speaker 1 (32:13)
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:31)
I can have empathy for that experience and still disagree with what happened to me and still disagree with what went on. Like this isn't giving permission that this was okay. Seeing that they were struggling too and I can let that go and then I can focus on me.
Speaker 1 (32:47)
Yeah, it gives you knowledge and knowledge is power. And then you take that power and you build your business from it. Because once you heal that part of you, that little person inside of you that's like, I'm gonna run your business and you're gonna hide. I'm gonna run your business and you're gonna feel really uncomfortable in a sell situation because you don't wanna make other people feel uncomfortable. So you're just not gonna raise your prices. You're just not gonna say that you don't do payment.
Speaker 2 (32:50)
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (33:16)
programs anymore. You're just, you know, and so just anyone is listening. I just want to tell you that if you own a business and you're struggling, I promise you 90 % of what's going on with you is something that you picked up on when you were little and you're running a story. That's all that's happening.
Speaker 2 (33:35)
Absolutely, and it is just a story.
Speaker 1 (33:37)
It is. It's just a story. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:40)
One of the things I think is a big fear for people is when we talk about inner child work, that we're going to go deep diving into all of this yuck that, like I've done years of therapy. You when I go and sit in front of therapists and they're like, let's do inner child work. I'm like, been there, done that. Let's move on. So there is still...
There are still stories that are going in the background that I haven't really identified, that I know are still playing a part in how I show up, in the beliefs that I have, in the reactions that I have. So when you're talking about inner child work, how do you address that fear with people that are like, I just don't want to go there?
Speaker 1 (34:25)
Well, the first thing that I want to say is that, you you're not going to be ripped to shreds where you're screaming and crying and, you know, thrown to the walls. Not in my process. I do know that there are some, you know, coaches and therapists who do believe that you should be ripped to shreds in order to be put back together again. I am. That's not what I do. That's not my kind of work.
Speaker 2 (34:54)
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (34:55)
Yeah, and I do want to say, you know, that I think having 20 plus years of helping people in the inner child work process has helped me come to understand the fear that people bring into the process. I even, you know, men, women, it doesn't matter. Like, they come to me knowing that they're going to do this inner child work and they're like,
You know, was a big, like, okay. And so, you know, we do it, whether you work with somebody like myself or you go to a retreat or whatever, you want to make sure that the person that you're working with is very tuned in
self-regulation and breathing and being able to understand when you're getting overloaded and when it's time to take a break and stop and all of those things. Because if you don't have that going in, then your fear is going to be met with an experience which is going to create actually more fear. Absolutely. Yeah.
So just the best way to handle the fear is just to make sure that the person that you're working with understands how to manage the fear that is normal. Because if somebody shows up to me to do inner child work and they're like, I'm not scared, then I'm like, you don't know what this is then. Like we need to talk because fear is just a natural part of it. And the reason why is because our brain doesn't want us to change.
Fear is the weapon it uses to keep us the same. It wants us to pull that resistance of like, you know, I thought about it. I'm actually really good. Like, I can do this, right?
Speaker 2 (36:48)
Absolutely. Our brains would rather us be in that discomfort. Familiar. It's predictable. We know already how to handle it. look at, you people always say like, my gosh, why didn't you leave that abusive situation? And it's well, because I can predict what's going to happen in this abusive situation. I know what's going to happen. I know how to react. This, although it doesn't seem like it should be, feels safe in a way. We don't know the unknown.
And so our brain does keep us in that spot of I can predict it. I know how to react. I know how to handle this. Where when we start bringing in change and it can be good change, right? We can have this thing that we really, really want, but our nervous system's like, I don't know how to react, especially if we're somebody who has trauma and we have survived and thrived on that predictability.
Speaker 1 (37:34)
way.
Speaker 2 (37:46)
on knowing exactly how to react to keep that other person very happy so that we're okay if we're put out in a situation where we don't understand, our brain doesn't understand what's gonna happen. That fear is real and it comes in a big, big way. And so I completely agree with you. It's that relationship with the provider. It's the trust in that coach or that therapist or whoever you're working with that they can, number one, self-regulate.
and co-regulate because when in that situation we are co-regulating with that other person and they need to be in tune with their own bodies and us as that client or patient or whatever the scenario is so that we can really tap in and say, okay, I can see that this is going too much. This is a little too far. I can see that fear coming up and we can get
curious about it and we can call it out and we can think it and we can say, here we meet again. Because a lot of times it's the same fear coming up over and over and over. We're very familiar with that sensation. And so it's like, well, hello again, we've got this, I know what this is. And talking to that little part of us and saying, it's okay. Like this time, we're supported. This time, it's okay. This time we can get curious, we don't have to push.
Because if we're with somebody that's gonna push us past that, it's gonna backlash. We're gonna have more that's gonna come up in not a pleasant way. But if we have someone that can hold our hand and say, it's like you're, I mean, we're talking inner child with the little kid that's scared to go to school or to go and do something and we can hold their hand and we can reassure them and we can say, this is okay and you're with a safe person.
then we can start playing in a curious way around what that inner child needs and what that inner child believes. And so I love that you bring in that relationship aspect.
Speaker 1 (39:47)
Yeah, it's absolutely important. I love to tell people it's like going to the gym, right? You can go into a gym and you can work out all by yourself. But if you've never worked out before, or if you've worked out just a little bit, then you're only going to get a certain amount of results, or maybe no results, because you're doing it completely wrong, then you're not even going to build muscle. You're just going to stay the same. You're not going to see any change.
To the extreme of that, if you hire a personal trainer, he's trying to push you to get results really, really fast because it's a reflection on them and what a great trainer they are. Then you wake up the next morning, you can't move, you can't walk, you can't function. You don't want to work out anymore. And you find that personal trainer who's like three sets of 12. We start out at this weight. You're going to build into this. You're not going to see immediate results.
it's going to take a little bit of time. You know, you may not even think it's working, then you're going to wake up one morning, you're going to have a bicep, you're going to be great. That's the kind of inner child work that you want to do if you really want to dive into this. You want the long haul, I call it LSD, the long, slow distance of inner child work because your inner child has to be reparented.
and that is not gonna happen in a two day workshop. It's not gonna happen in a three hour seminar. You can learn about inner child work in those things, but that's why my programs are either six months or a year. People are like, well, why don't you have a 12 week program? Because this work doesn't get done in 12 weeks. This work is done in either six months or if you really want the long slow distance of working with,
your parents and your spouse and your children and your money and your business and your sales and all that, then you're gonna want the year so that at the end of that year, you have a six pack and you have very big buns and very big buys. And you can be like, see, I've been working out, do you see? And everybody's like, wow, you really have been working out. That is also how long, slow inner child work works.
on the outside can start noticing these huge changes in you after six months or a year. They're like, you are different. Like you seem lighter. seem, you're funny. I didn't know you were funny. You're really funny because you've unpacked all of this unheaviness and like your business is really growing and my God, like you're everywhere and you're on the news or you've written your book or you've done this or that. And it's like, yeah. And it's almost like if you don't want to share with people,
you know, I've been doing it in our child work and it's just like your secret weapon. You just be like, yeah, I've been, I've been working on myself, you know?
Speaker 2 (42:50)
Absolutely.
And I think it's really shifting that perspective because society, have the quick fix. We are trained to want the quick fix, but it is quick. And it isn't something that we are going to really shift. I would even wager we need more than a year, but we're going to do a lot in a year because there's going to be new levels that are going to come up. There's going to be as you grow.
there's new things that are going to pop up that you haven't recognized before. And so
Speaker 1 (43:22)
when it all feels new. Yes. Like that's what happens with my clients are like, I'm, I'm right back where I started. And I'm like, no, no, no, you're not even close to where you started. You know, but you need that support, you know, because you don't, when you, when you feel like you're going backwards, you know, if you don't have somebody there, that's like, let me remind you all the things that you've accomplished over the past three months, four months, and then you're like, yeah. And it's like,
You're not starting over. You're upleveling. feels like your brain wants you to feel like you're starting over so that you'll just stop and run. But you need this now. So let's do the work.
Speaker 2 (44:01)
It is up leveling. it's like, I always talk to my clients about you're not designed to give yourself a massage. Like it is a whole different experience when you go to a massage therapist and they can work on your back, you can do it. And so we are not designed to work on ourselves. As a coach that works with therapists, that's the biggest thing that I hear is therapists come and it's like, well, I still have struggles.
Speaker 1 (44:21)
No.
Speaker 2 (44:29)
So how can I go work with somebody else? Cause you're not designed to work on yourself. You can't call out your own bullshit because you can't see your own bullshit. It's just like when you come in and you're meeting a client and you're sitting down with them, you're third party. You're able to see a bigger picture for them than they are able to see for themselves because they're in this little brain box that is keeping them small, that is keeping them feeling that anxiety that's coming up.
Speaker 1 (44:34)
What?
Speaker 2 (44:58)
that's saying don't grow because that gets really scary. And you're able to say, but there's more out there. But if you just allow us to sit and get curious, allow us to really get curious about what the thought processes are, what the beliefs are, what are we bringing in here? If we're allowed to play with that, then we can step past the box. But we someone who can see it outside of us. We're just not designed to work on ourselves.
and self-help books get us so far. But...
Speaker 1 (45:32)
So it's not the same.
Speaker 2 (45:34)
It isn't because we're self-help books or when we take a course that is someone we're watching and listening, right? It's a cognitive process. We are learning, just like you said, you can learn about inner child work in a weekend, but you don't fully experience it unless you're working with somebody who can call you out on it, who can really lead you and get curious with you, who can sit with you, who can challenge those beliefs.
So there is a difference between experiencing it and the whole learning about it. And I think that is the key to that. I love the long haul. That is the key to really having that reframe of we're in this for the marathon, not the sprint. We're in this for the long lasting life changes. We're not here to just do a quick fix that makes us maybe feel different in the moment. But the next time we're stressed, we revert right back to the same.
behaviors that we've had, the same coping mechanisms that we have. We have to go back and rewrite the stories. So we have shifts in how we believe and how we interact with life and how we react with life to really see the difference. And I think that's what a lot of us miss is that we think we read the book so we understand it. And there's a difference between understanding it and actually experiencing it.
Speaker 1 (46:58)
Absolutely.
Yeah. And I mean, I have a self-help book. I wrote my self-help memoir and people are like, well, I'll just read your book. And I'm like, that's great. You're reading the recipe. You're not cooking the meal. So when you're ready to cook the meal, I mean, by all means, read the recipe, please read the recipe. But when you're ready to eat a meal that is yours, then we can get to work because that is the difference to me between
reading a book and doing the work. It's like the books will give you amazing awareness. They'll tell you the tools that you need. Like you need two cups of flour, a cup of this, a teaspoon of that. And that's great. That's all great. But if you don't have it, if you don't do it, then you won't actualize it. And it will just, it'll be something that you know, it won't be something that you live.
Speaker 2 (47:56)
Absolutely. It's like cooking from a recipe book and cooking with your grandma. Knows how to do it and has all of the different stories and the different tips and tricks and techniques. And what do you do with this and that and the other happens versus you have a printed recipe and you look in like, you know, if you've gone on Pinterest and you know, scrolled through recipes, you see all the comments underneath. Well, it didn't work for me.
Speaker 1 (48:00)
No.
Speaker 2 (48:18)
Well, can you substitute this? Can you substitute that? I baked it for this. What do you do about high altitude? There's all of the different questions that come in. It's because you're reading from a recipe, you're not working with someone with experience. And it's really being able to say, you know what? I want to learn.
Speaker 1 (48:36)
And getting your hands dirty, you know, getting in there and just like getting your hands dirty.
Speaker 2 (48:42)
Yes. And having somebody that's there with you laughing, being able to coach you along the way to say, gosh, that happened to me. That's exactly what's supposed to happen. that is so normal. That is so typical. It's that reassurance that when the anxiety flares that it's like, yeah, no big deal versus when we're reading the recipe book and the anxiety flares, we're like, no, shutting down. This isn't going to work. This is, I must have done something wrong.
It's like, no, you had a normal response. as humans are built to live and thrive in relationship. And that includes our healing process. And that includes our growth process is really building that relationship. And I think that's where coaches and therapists and practitioners really come in is being that relationship that is third party because our own family have their own biases and their own stories and their own stuff that is really coming in.
Speaker 1 (49:15)
Right.
Speaker 2 (49:41)
really interplaying with yours because you came from the same system. So it's different talking to a coach or a therapist in guiding you through that than your best friend or your sister or your auntie because they're intertwined with you. And sometimes we need that outside look that isn't intertwined. And we love our clients so much, but it's a different love than my sister.
And so we want that, that expertise that comes in with that love and support. And I think that's so huge for people. It's game changer for me. It has literally been the game changer for me.
Speaker 1 (50:21)
Same, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (50:23)
Thank you so much. for this incredible conversation. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (50:26)
Thank
you so much too. I've loved my time with you. It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (50:31)
You're incredible and I'm so lucky to have met you. If listeners would like to continue this conversation with you, what is the best way for them to connect with you?
Speaker 1 (50:44)
Get them on website, allisonroberts.com and they can get a meditation. They can sign up for any newsletter or they can just contact me through the contact form and just reach out.
Speaker 2 (50:57)
Okay, beautiful. And I will have the link and Allison's Instagram and LinkedIn profile, as well as her website down in the show notes. So it's easy to just click on over. Allison, thank you so much. I so appreciate your time and expertise today.
Speaker 1 (51:12)
Thank you.
Landy Peek (51:12)
my goodness, what an incredible conversation with Alison Roberts. Her insights on breaking free from fear and stepping into your unapologetic power were so powerful. If today's episode resonated with you and you're craving more joy, adventure, and deep connection with yourself, I'd love to invite you into the Spark Initiative,
A six month immersive experience designed to help you break free from burnout, rediscover your inner spark, and create a life that feels as good as it looks, because this midlife stage is the perfect time to hit a reboot.
This isn't about quick fixes. It's about lasting transformation, deep sisterhood, and saying yes to yourself in a whole new way. I'll be sharing more soon, but if you're curious, DM me or check out the link in the show notes.
Let's get you excited for life again. And because I think it is so important to hear that you are smart and creative and fun and talented and worthy and deserving, and you are making a difference in this world by just being in it. And I would guarantee you there are people that love you more than you even know.
I am so grateful that you are in my life. I love you and I like you. And I wish you all the happiness that today can bring. We'll talk to you on the next episode.
Landy Peek (52:51)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share.
Because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious because that's the fun in this world.
