Landy Peek (00:00)
Welcome to the Landy Peak podcast. I'm your host and friend, Landy Peak, and I am thrilled to have you join me. In each episode, we will explore what makes life truly fulfilling, happiness, deep connections, and self-discovery. Together we'll uncover that happiness is not a destination, but a way of living. Now let's dive into today's episode.
Landy Peek (00:32)
Welcome back to the Landy Peak Podcast where we dive into the real raw and transformative journeys of this midlife space. Today, I am beyond excited to introduce Raimi Gibbs. She is a powerhouse coach and writer who helps women step into their worth, embrace midlife reinvention, and aging authentically with confidence and joy.
Raimi has this incredible way of cutting through the noise with her down-to-earth, no-nonsense style, making self-growth and personal transformation feel not just possible, but necessary. She's walked the challenging path of midlife herself, navigating career shifts, life's unexpected unravelings, and now, through her book, Renovated Realities, she's guiding other women to rediscover their purpose.
building fulfilling lives and most importantly making themselves a priority. In this episode we dive into why midlife is more than just a phase but a powerful invitation for reinvention.
We look at that midlife review that no one warned us about and why it matters, how to shift from surviving to truly thriving, and the keys to happiness, fulfillment, and making peace with aging, and most importantly, why you are absolutely worthy of everything that you desire. Get ready for a conversation that will leave you feeling seen, inspired, and ready to fully step in
to your next chapter. Let's dive in.
Speaker 1 (02:14)
Raimi, I want to welcome you to the Lady Peak podcast. I am so thrilled that you are here.
Speaker 2 (02:21)
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (02:23)
Can you tell our listeners a little bit about you? And then I am just dying to get that question out because when we first came on, we were just talking and really seeing where we wanted to go with the podcast today. And we came to a phrase that we matter. We circle back to that. But I want listeners to hear who you are and all of the amazing things that you're doing.
Speaker 2 (02:48)
Yeah. So a little back history, I guess, is always important because people want to know where you come from. So we'll do the personal touch and then we'll talk to professional touch a little bit. So the personal touches, I am an only child of two alcoholic parents. And so my story begins with the idea that just because you're born in chaos, doesn't mean you have to stay there. And so it's building a journey for
Speaker 1 (02:52)
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:14)
myself and then helping people build the journey for themselves, right? So that's kind of the personal piece and how it all started. Now the professional piece, actually, it's kind of a long story, but I ended up, well, I have a degree in criminal justice. That was my bachelor's degree and never used it. I ended up going to work for my dad and he had a travel agency. And so I started there, decided that really wasn't my thing.
as crazy as it sounds when people are oh, travel agent is so exciting and so fun. And for me, it was very stressful. I would, my ex-husband would tell me that I'd wake up in the middle of the night or not even awake. I'd be talking in my sleep, stressed out about doing the wrong tickets, know, booking the wrong thing and then having to try to figure out how to exchange them because I don't know if a lot of people know this, that even as a travel agent, if you book a ticket, you're responsible for it.
Speaker 1 (04:10)
Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:10)
So if I screw up, it's on me. they work with you, but not necessarily. So anyway, that's kind of where it started. And then I decided, well, let's try the hospitality industry. Let's get into, so I went to hotel sales and then I was like, okay, how about catering? And so then I started doing food in the hotel industry and it took me from Houston to Phoenix to Las Vegas to now, and then I got divorced and remarried and we ended up in a small, very small town.
in New Mexico and I had to reinvent myself. So that was phase one, right? And that was that midlife, I was right at 40. What are we gonna do here? Who do I wanna be? So then it was more consultant based. I started looking, this is always an interesting thing too, that we can have a fun conversation on this, but you start to think back to your childhood and what were you passionate about?
Speaker 1 (05:06)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (05:10)
Yeah, I have this belief that we kind of come into this world knowing who we are and then all of this noise and all of these expectations and all of these thoughts about other people are put upon us, whether it's our parents, our spouses, our employers, blah, blah, that we totally lose sight of who we are. Not everyone, but most of us. And so.
For me then it came back to me, well, what did I want to do when I was a kid? Well, I thought I wanted to be a vet because I love animals. And I was like, well, I'm 40 something. I'm not going back to school for that. But I started a pet sitting business. And then we moved again. And so I thought, okay, well, I started pet sitting business again in a new place. And now we're in South Texas and I continued the consulting.
And then the pandemic happened and I was like, okay, because the event industry tanked and that's where most of my money was coming from at that point. So was like, now what? Well, the second thing when I was in high school, I thought I really wanted to go into psychology. And I didn't do that because of another kind of funny story, but my dad decides to send me to a career counselor and the career counselor ran all these tests and
Speaker 1 (06:25)
Hmm?
Speaker 2 (06:37)
The best job for me was going to be to be a bus driver.
Speaker 1 (06:41)
Interesting. Not where I you were gonna go.
Speaker 2 (06:42)
Yes.
I'm like a bus driver. No, I don't want to be responsible for all those people. then he even said that I really didn't have, whatever the test showed, I didn't have the aptitude to go to college. Well, now I sit here with a master's degree in organizational management, a big F-U to this counselor. And so I didn't.
Speaker 1 (07:07)
Lee.
Speaker 2 (07:11)
I didn't pursue the psychology at that point. It was my minor and I never used the criminal justice degree, as we said. so here I am now and I'm like, okay, I really am curious about what makes people tick. Why do they do the things they do? Why do they make the decisions they make? And I've always kind of had a mentor role where people would come to me to help them figure out.
what they could be doing or what they should be doing, whether it was in their career or in life. And I'm always that person, people, I've heard this so many times in my life. I've never told anybody that before. Okay, there's something here, right?
Speaker 1 (07:53)
something there, yes.
Speaker 2 (07:55)
So I went into coaching and you know, I went and got my coaching certificate and then decided that I needed more. There's a lot of growing for me, you know, coming from the being a child of an alcoholic and then I married one because statistically that's what you do. But I needed to finish my healing, right? And so, you know, and this is the other part of this. I'm tired of chasing happiness.
Speaker 1 (08:23)
That's so
Speaker 2 (08:25)
find out how to be happy, what is happy. And so then I went on and got certified as a positive psychology practitioner. And so that's kind of my story. And then what I wanted to do is put it all together to create a coaching business and then ultimately write a book called Renovate Your Reality, which came out earlier this month. And so that's my story. There's the short version of my story.
Speaker 1 (08:55)
many of us in our late 30s, 40s, 50s can really resonate with. Because I mean, you're a little bit different events, but you're talking my story as well, where I bounced careers just like you, bounced locales just like you. I wanted to do things and then had other people saying, well, maybe that's not the best thing for you. Maybe this direction.
And so we start to mold ourselves and shift ourselves. And as I'm now 44 and I've spent the last year and a half really looking at myself and coming back to who I was. And it's resonance of the things that I was passionate about when I was little are the things that I'm finding are filling me up now. Yes. that I'm like, my gosh, this is me. Yeah. Adulthood.
buried so much of that because we couldn't be because of this, that and the other. And all of a sudden we're coming back to this is me and this feels amazing. And that journey around happiness and finding who we are and what that looks like and how we step into it without all of the other chatter that's gone on in our lives that have directed us away from it.
Speaker 2 (10:19)
Absolutely. Absolutely. And you're right. Did you kind of wake up to it?
Speaker 1 (10:25)
Yes.
Speaker 2 (10:26)
Yeah, that same. just kind of woke up one day and looked around. Literally, it was my 39. My 40th birthday was just a couple of weeks away. And I was like, I don't like living here anymore. My job's not fulfilling me. When I'm 60, and this was actually I remember the thought when I'm 60, 21 years from now. Is this okay? Is this the life I want to be living?
Speaker 1 (10:56)
That is such a powerful question. Years from now, is this the life that I want to be living? going, mine would have been too. Now it's like, I'm getting close. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm getting close.
Speaker 2 (10:59)
Yeah.
Yeah. The answer was no.
Well, and same now, I mean, you started earlier than me, thank goodness for you, because I'm 53 now, and I'm just now at the point where I'm going, okay, I now recognize my purpose. I now recognize where I wanna go. Do I know exactly how to get there? We're all the work in progress. So we keep trying, we keep moving forward, we keep doing the things. But let's come back to that question you and I were talking about.
Speaker 1 (11:42)
Yes, please.
Speaker 2 (11:43)
There's two of them, right? So we said, do you recognize that you matter? Because that's important. The question is, when was the last time someone asked you what you want out of life?
Speaker 1 (11:48)
Absolutely.
And that is such a powerful question.
Speaker 2 (12:00)
Because how many people even stop to consider that?
Speaker 1 (12:05)
Very few. And I think we're hitting this midlife transition phase where we're looking at, don't like where I am. And I've worked really hard to get here. And there's definitely, know within myself and friends and clients, I don't necessarily wanna like give up everything I've worked so hard for, but it's just not making me happy. Even though it will make me happy.
Speaker 2 (12:26)
That's it.
And you know, some of the stories that I've been able to hear and be part of that are so powerful to me are these ones where people say, okay, I went to school. I became a lawyer because my family is where my family was a lawyer. We had a law firm. That's what was expected of me. You know what I really wanted to do? I wanted to be a yoga instructor. And so that powerful story of her, you know, she, she still had.
loans to pay off, but she's like, this is not my love, my passion. She didn't give it up completely because you know that still you need cash flows, right? So we don't have to necessarily give it up. But then she started to build her yoga practice. And now she's got it's really an interesting situation where she's got a law firm and a yoga practice in the same building. Right. Or another I'll call her friendly. We're not buddies, but we're you know, she was in the health care industry.
Speaker 1 (13:18)
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:28)
And she said, you know, I really want to be a chef. And she went back to school to become a chef. And now she's had her own restaurant and she's getting ready to open a new restaurant and she's doing catering and all these great things. Or I can't tell you how many friends I've had go back into the went into nursing life because they wanted to help people. It's you know, it's amazing. First of all, that we do this.
But most importantly, for people to recognize that they're not alone in this thought process, you can do it. And if there's that challenge, think kind of touching on what you were saying, how do you do it when financially, maybe you can't do it. Maybe you can't just drop everything and start over. You can do things like job crafting. do you make your job more meaningful?
Speaker 1 (14:02)
Hmm?
Great.
Speaker 2 (14:24)
And you can also do things like volunteer. So if you recognize what your purpose is, give that side of yourself to someone who needs it. So there's so many things we can do to change our situation.
Speaker 1 (14:38)
Absolutely. Can we dive into that a little bit? Because that is so powerful in that a lot of us feel stuck. And especially if you have gone through a lot of school, like I went through, I got my masters, you I'd built a practice, really having what felt like this sticky, I'm going to let a bunch of people down. Who am I if I'm not an occupational therapist?
these kind of more rigid things that we put ourselves into that we've worked really hard to get to. And now we're looking like, I'm not really happy. And I can't give up everything in the way that I'm seeing it right now. I can't just close everything, shut it down, stop what I'm doing, and go launch myself into my passion. So how do we balance both? How do we start really filling ourselves up?
with those things that we're passionate about while still honoring the responsibilities that we have.
Speaker 2 (15:40)
That's it, right? It seems difficult because it feels like one or the other. It doesn't have to be. And you can also, I think, take it little bites, right? So, and maybe you did this, I know I did, you start to do little things. Like if you want to start to build a new practice as you did into something else, and I'm working on doing the same, what do you do? What are the steps you can take? Right? So,
Speaker 1 (15:44)
It does.
Speaker 2 (16:07)
Can you start volunteering doing what you're passionate about and wanting to do and do it on the side? Yes. Can you start a side hustle? Can you still keep doing the job and then start taking coaching clients? You don't have to have all at once, right? You can start to build it, whatever it is. Can you start consulting on gigs? You know, one of the easiest things to do to try to make that shift is go into a consulting type role. know, say you, whatever, I mean, it's different for
Let's say we want to start our own business. To just stop what you're doing and throw away all of your cash flow is probably not brilliant unless you've got somebody backing you up and can take care of you. But can you start small? Can you pick up a consulting gig? Can you help someone else out on the side? Can you start a part-time job? Can you, whatever it is, start to build slowly.
We don't have to just stop, drop and roll, right? We can start slow.
Speaker 1 (17:10)
And that's a huge part is we can start bringing in these little parts of us that feel so huge. And you talk about volunteering and that's one thing that I have done where I, like you, have a really big passion for animals, loved horses when I was young. looking at not in a situation, I live in a city, I can't just like go out and get a ranch and have all the horses and all that kind of stuff.
So we started volunteering at a rescue and started filling my bucket around having those horses in my life, which then shifted into being able to lease a horse. So then I have a horse three days a week, which is beautiful. I still don't have to have a ranch and have to take care of it on the ins and outs, but I have a horse that I can connect with and ride. And so it starts that small shift around, okay, I'm gonna bring in this aspect of me, this passion that was there.
that I wasn't even sure if was still there, but it's it's niggling, it's talking to me. And then like this little volunteer, two hours a week turns into more, turns into more, turns into more. And horses are probably not gonna turn into a career outlet for me. And that's okay because our passion doesn't have to necessarily align with our business. Although it's awesome if it does, but it's having that passion in your life.
And that has given me more energy. So I'm a lot more creative in my business where I have transitioned from a in-person pelvic health practice to like you added a little, you know, coaching in here with a couple of clients and then was able to pivot and then even step further into a different role in coaching. Yeah. It doesn't have to happen overnight, but it's really honoring what's coming up inside of you honoring that need to shift.
even if we can't all like totally burn it down. And part of my life, I did totally burn down my business. Well, not totally. I kept some contracts and things like that. But there was a period where I just stopped like seeking out coaching clients and bringing them in. I had existing contracts I wrote on, but I was no longer out there advertising, saying I want coaching clients. I needed to turn into myself and really figure out who I was and what I wanted.
And then I able to come back out into the world in a whole new energy where I'm like, I love this. I love me. And this is a huge shift.
Speaker 2 (19:45)
Yeah, and that is, and you're right to coming back to the small bites, right? And let's talk about this. I know this is a huge thing for you too about happiness because doing these things, especially, you know, in midlife and there's so many things that we go through and you know, we start to, a of people start to feel invisible. I hear this a lot. You know, we start going through these shifts of perimenopause and menopause and
For whatever reason, society makes us think we're dried up because we can't produce anymore. We're getting wrinkles. We have to be beautiful. Yeah, society is tough on women. I mean, really tough on women.
Speaker 1 (20:23)
really tough on women where men don't have the same aging messages. And you I mean, just listening to so many commercials and like I listened to podcasts and one of my favorite podcasters had just a series of anti aging commercials. It just hits me so hard because I love this, you listening to this person and she's so influential and inspiring. But then there was these anti aging commercials coming on and I'm like, I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (20:51)
Yeah, same.
Speaker 1 (20:52)
be told that I shouldn't age because age is doing me a lot of good. And my grandmother would always say, you know, well, the alternative is not really desirable. And it's like, okay, I can age or I can die. I would rather age. But we don't give women the space to age gracefully in the way that we are aging. Authentically, that's the word I'm looking for. Yes, thank you. Absolutely. We're told we need to
Speaker 2 (21:14)
...quantically.
Speaker 1 (21:22)
do something about the wrinkles and do something about the gray hair and do something about the weight gain that might happen. And we're not even talking about perimenopause and menopause and what that does just to our bodies. I mean, we talk so much about puberty, but a lot of stuff around, my gosh, this is gonna be a huge transition in your life. It's gonna hit you emotionally. It's gonna hit you physically. It's gonna hit you mentally and all of it. Like that word recall gets really frustrating.
but we're not talking about how we can go through this and still feel good and still feel like us. And that at the end isn't the end of us. That honestly we get through perimenopause and menopause and then our happiness starts to increase again. Yes.
Speaker 2 (22:09)
Typically, this has been improving.
Speaker 1 (22:11)
brings fear going to have happiness to the levels of our 20s. Once we're past that menopausal stage, you know, hitting end of 50s, 60s, we are starting to go back up with happiness and real confidence in who we are. Really looking forward to it. We're not talking about that.
Speaker 2 (22:29)
Yeah,
we're not. we don't even talk about, why are our mamas don't even talk to us about the whole thing of perimenopause and menopause. We hear about hot flashes, right? We don't know about, we don't talk about the aches and pains. We don't talk about the depression. We don't talk about the anxiety. We don't talk about the stuff that comes up that we suddenly are like, I need to heal from this. What our childhoods, even
Speaker 1 (22:40)
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:59)
Parents that on the outside seem like they're great, they damage their children. We're all damaged in some way or another, no matter how great of a parent you are, it happens, right? And it's sometimes as simple of saying that can screw us up. Why aren't you more like your brother or whatever it might be? Simple things, especially for women, make us feel less than. And here that comes back to the, matter, but more importantly,
Speaker 1 (23:24)
Yes!
Speaker 2 (23:29)
You're worthy.
Speaker 1 (23:30)
Yes. And that's such a huge thing. And we all, we look at, you know, the big T traumas where, know, we see that there's this huge traumatic event and we can identify that, but we don't recognize all these little T traumas, the things like, why can't you be more like your brother? Or you are just too much. And you know, all these things that we have heard either from parents, from teachers, you know, the influences in our life. And that does leave a scar.
In that's, I look at trauma as trauma is a wound and we can see wounds on the outside. You know, if you get hit in the head, you can see that there's a cut or a bruise or something that's there and we can identify that's a wound. But these words, they cut us just the same. It's just, it's an invisible wound and we don't look at it as a wound. And then we go through and we are now reacting and interacting with
everyone in our existence and ourselves carrying this wound. And when we're looking at, we have a wound on our leg and we're limping, it changes how we go through our day and through our life. It's the same with these unseen wounds, these little T traumas that are really building up of how we see ourselves and how we're interacting and what we're doing. And it is so powerful when we come to this stage in age where we turn and start to look at
what are all these stories that we've had? What are all of these little wounds that we've carried? And we can start saying, is this really where I wanna be? And we can do healing around that. And it's not like our parents meant to mess us up. They've had their own struggles and strifes that they brought in and their own beliefs. And we still...
Speaker 2 (25:13)
No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (25:23)
interacted with a hurt human in a lot of cases, our parents were hurt humans. And because they were hurt humans parenting, they couldn't meet our needs the way that we wanted them met. And such a huge thing was like, we could be fully and unconditionally loved, but that didn't mean that we were unconditionally accepted as who we are and that we were seen and valued.
Speaker 2 (25:28)
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (25:52)
and had our worth really shown to us by those influential adults in our life. And it's left an impact.
Speaker 2 (26:02)
It has. And then what it ends up meaning is that it's our jobs to go back and essentially reparent ourselves, to give ourselves worth, to show value in ourselves, to understand our values. That's a whole other piece of that. using that word, right? Yeah. And I mean, there's so much in this and you know, I think as women, this just triggers the, we're trained to
put everybody else in front of ourselves. And coming back to that question, right? What is it that you want out of life? I would suggest that probably 90 % of women can't answer that question.
Speaker 1 (26:34)
Hmm.
Yes.
to see. And a lot of us haven't given the opportunity to even think about it. Because we've just been pushed into this is what you should be. This is what you should be doing. Keep going up that trail of checking off your shoulds that you're looking at what do I want out of life? Who am I in this life? Who do I want to be in this
Speaker 2 (26:54)
that we've not even thought about it.
I
want to be more importantly.
Speaker 1 (27:13)
And that is such a huge thing when you stop for a moment and go, who do I actually want to be?
Speaker 2 (27:18)
What legacy do I want to leave behind?
Speaker 1 (27:21)
And that's such a huge pivotal part of this 40s, 50s space where our brains are actually shifting and changing. And we start thinking more about our legacy. And it's such a huge thing. And it is our responsibility to change our lives. It's our responsibility to go back and say, okay, I'm gonna do some inner child work. We're gonna do a little reparenting. And it gets complicated if you're reparenting yourself while you're parenting other human beings.
I've joked for a long time, instead of a college fund, I'm just getting my kids a therapy fund because I know it's okay. But it's really that I am human and I am having the reactions because my nervous system has been built on my experiences and how other people have shown who I am. So I do react in ways that I don't necessarily love, but
Speaker 2 (27:55)
me.
Speaker 1 (28:18)
that's what comes up and it's being able to go in that moment accepting like, okay, that was my reaction. I love myself. It's okay. I'm going to do that little reparenting and I need to go repair with my kiddo because I totally snapped at them when I didn't mean to, but it was more my reaction versus anything they ever did. And it's this really interesting balance of being in a space where we are doing that inner work.
and we are healing ourselves and we are reparenting ourselves because we didn't get our needs met. And we're trying to live life at the same time. We're trying to show up as professionals and parents and not fall apart because I'm like, my gosh, like I hit in this 40 space, right? How a lot of systems that worked in my twenties and thirties, they got me through. I could show up. I felt okay. I just shut down a lot of feelings. And then all of a sudden I'm like, my gosh,
I can't handle this anymore. Like the overwhelm is real. The ADA is going off like crazy. Like, my gosh, this is not the brain that I had in twenties and thirties. now I'm trying, how do I live with this new brain and these new, you know, we have a joke in our house, you know, shiny because I get so easily distracted at this point in my life.
Speaker 2 (29:34)
say butterflies, but yes.
Speaker 1 (29:37)
Oh, there's something shiny. Okay. And my daughter's continually like, mom, and then goes into like what I needed to be doing. I'm like, oh, she's like, mom, shiny. Oh, okay, this is what I need to do. But it's coming back because, A, there's a ton of ideas floating through my head right now. I don't have the necessary focus. And so it's an interesting space where we're trying to balance showing up in the world as professionals, as parents, as, you know, parts of the community.
At the same time, we're healing some deep wounds and really reevaluating who we are and how we want to show up. And it's, it's hard. It's confusing.
Speaker 2 (30:13)
There's so much going on, right? mean, even to add more to that, many women are stuck in the sandwich situation, right? Because we're having kids older. And so we've got kids at home that we're taking care of now. Our parents are getting sick and we're having to take care of the parents. And depending on your relationship with your parents, that may be horrible for you. I know it was for me. But all of these added layers, and then your spouse still wants something from you. And if you're trying to work on top of that, it's, oh my God, overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (30:43)
yes, and I am very much in the sandwich. Although my grandmother's 98, which is fabulous, but I live close. And so I do, I'm involved there and have parents that are aging and in-laws that are aging. And there's this interesting balance as you're looking at roles changing. And you brought up spouses. Yes, they actually demanding on you, not in a bad way, but they want to spend time with you and they want to...
you know, be seen and heard. It is really hard to still honor yourself while honoring all of these different people and roles in your life. It was overwhelming. It gets to be a lot.
Speaker 2 (31:23)
How often do you hear, I know I hear it often, well don't have time to worry about me. Then what happens? You burn out and you fall apart and your cup is empty and there's nobody to refill it but you.
Speaker 1 (31:28)
yes. You burn out.
and you're so grumpy and you're so down and then you have paramanopause coming on and you're like, my gosh. And it's really a hard space and it's taking a step back and saying, okay, I do matter. And I need, and I have really found and it's really hard sometimes that focusing on me is the key to making everything else work. And it feels so counterintuitive because it's really easy to let go of me.
Speaker 2 (32:02)
the answer.
Speaker 1 (32:07)
Because I'm the only one that's disappointed. If I don't take that time and I didn't get to my exercise class and I didn't get to go out and go horseback riding, like I'm the one that's disappointed, but I didn't disappoint anybody else. You have to flip and say, it's okay if people are disappointed.
Speaker 2 (32:19)
Right?
It's okay. Those boundaries, those are important too. Things we have to learn at the SAFE as well, right?
Speaker 1 (32:31)
because a lot of us never learned boundaries and it's a learned thing.
Speaker 2 (32:34)
No, it is absolutely learned. We're taught, I think, that everybody else comes first, right? We have to take care of everybody. And then maybe think about yourself. and it's selfish to think about yourself, you know. But no, it's not. It's imperative.
Speaker 1 (32:46)
yes.
It is imperative. Yeah. There's a lot of stories and beliefs that we have picked up around how we can show up and how we can prioritize ourselves and how we need to prioritize others. And those are really the subconscious programming that's running your life. And we need bringing that conscious awareness of, okay, this is what I'm buying into. And this is my belief system. And
I'd love to see here your take on values, but these are my values. Cause values are your guide rails for life. Whether you're owning your values or not, those are what are guiding you and really determining the choices that you make. And so we have all this subconscious programming that's going on in the background that we're not even aware of. I wonder why you react in the way that you react. It's because that's the programming that's going on. And you have
step into a different you to create a different existence and showing up in a different way. And that's hard, but it's so incredibly important.
Speaker 2 (33:58)
So important and it is work. mean, and this is part of it, right? I mentioned that I wrote this book and it's part of the book and I'm just, want to tie this. There's a reason. So it's part of it. There's, talks about all of these things that we're talking about, right? But at the end of each chapter, it also gives you homework.
Speaker 1 (34:16)
I love that.
Speaker 2 (34:18)
The challenge here is that so far most of the people that are reading it don't do the homework.
Speaker 1 (34:23)
Yes, 100%.
Speaker 2 (34:26)
Right. So if you're not going to do the work, this is funny. had somebody, one of my friends, not my book, she read another book and she's like, I'm not getting anything from it. And I was like, well, did you do the work that went along with it? Well, no, I just read it. I don't feel any different. Jamie, Lynn, Kerm, whatever, worthy. Well, I don't feel any more worthy. What are you doing the work? No, I'm just reading the book. It doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1 (34:53)
you have to embody it and experience it. But we're really good at learning. Yes. I'm a really, really good student. I was really good at taking in information, regurgitating it back out. Learning more, having more little things behind my name made me feel like I was more important and more valuable externally. Like I'm going for how other people made me feel and how I was important in someone else's eyes.
When I had to flip the script and say, I need to be important in my eyes. I need to actually see my worth and see my value and feel my worth and feel my value. But I think you just hit on the key to what's missing in most of us as we're trying to make changes in our lives is that we are cognitive learners. And so we're reading the self-help books and they are valuable if we can take them all the way to experience.
Speaker 2 (35:47)
Where's the action? Yeah, the action is key.
Speaker 1 (35:50)
The action is key. And this is really what I've learned in my own coaching practice and why I pivoted my own coaching, because there's a lot of talk and we're great at cognitive learning, but we need to embody it. We need to experience it. And sometimes you do need somebody that's going to walk you through and hold your hand and say, okay, we're going to do this together. And I know it's not going to be fun because it's too easy to go, that's going to be uncomfortable. I don't really want to do it. I don't have time.
to do all that exercise. I can listen to the book. This is totally me. I would listen books on audio, but then all of the like sit in journal type. Well, I'm driving in the car. I can't do that. So I'll do it later.
Speaker 2 (36:29)
And then never, later never comes.
Speaker 1 (36:32)
No, later never comes. just bump onto the next book, listen to it while I'm driving. And then, yes. And it wasn't until I really stopped, paused and said, okay, I need to really take this into my life. I need to embody this. And for me, I needed somebody that put my feet to the fire and said, okay, we're doing this together and we're walking through that and we're experiencing it together. And that's how I've pivoted with coaching my clients now is we're not just doing talk anymore.
We're doing actual experiences because I want you to feel it in your body. I want you to take it into your life. I want you to see how it fits in your life. Not just the cognitive idea that we can do it.
Speaker 2 (37:12)
Absolutely. It's all about that. You know, a coach becomes your accountability partner, holds you to the fire for what you said you wanted for yourself, and then what you said you were going to do, right? It's a journey, right? All of this is a journey and all of it is a practice. And I think, I think so many of us get lost in that idea that if I'm can't be perfect at it today, I'm not going to do it. But
If we look at things as happiness and joy itself as a practice, because it is, can tell you, I work at it every day. It requires steps. It requires getting out and moving the body. It requires doing some meditation time or at least some breathing. You know, it requires little random acts of kindness. It requires some gratitude. Some of these ideas were foreign to me when I got started. So, but yes, all of it, right, is a practice. So.
I don't know about you, but for me, gratitude was a very foreign concept. Gratitude, sure, thank you for doing what you did. But beyond that, well, I had no idea what this was, but what a huge life-changing concept.
Speaker 1 (38:26)
Absolutely. And gratitude for me was very cognitive. Thank you for this. Thank you for that. But not actually having that feeling of love around that gratitude. was as much, sure. I'm going to go through and think everything. But it wasn't that embodiment of, and you feel different when you have that true gratitude.
So grateful for sitting here with an incredible human when you're so grateful for the things that are in your life. It's a different feeling than just thinking I'm thankful for. I'm grateful for it. And I was really good at the talk, but I wasn't owning it. I wasn't living it.
Speaker 2 (39:07)
You weren't feeling it. Yeah. I'm buying it. It's a good word you And right. it's, and what it does that I think is always fascinating too, is the more grateful you are for what you currently have, the more you attract that good stuff into your life. And I know everybody listening has had the experience where they get into a negative spiral.
Speaker 1 (39:24)
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (39:32)
And then all of these bad things just start layering and happening over and over and over. And I'll watch it sometimes in my household. may not be, it's easier to watch when it's my husband, right? But I'll see the negative stuff and I'm like, stop, stop right now. Change your mindset because I just watched the bad stuff, right? And smack your head and then you get a car accident and then, then, and then, right? And it continues until you switch and you have to go back to a positive mindset or it just continues. And I know we all know someone.
that we're like, why does all this terrible stuff happen to
Speaker 1 (40:09)
negative. We're attracting in, you know, law of attraction. We're attracting in that negative spiral because that's where our focus is. And I always look at it as you can't always just flip the switch and feel better. But there are things that I can do to feel make to help me feel just a little bit better. So if I'm super crabby and feeling really and like I've wrestled to get my kids to school, I'm going to
Speaker 2 (40:23)
No, you can't.
Speaker 1 (40:38)
take that moment and just say, what can I do right in this moment to help me feel a little bit better? I turn on music.
Speaker 2 (40:44)
do you do?
Me too, I sing. For me, need 80s music that I can belt it out to. Do do 90s?
Speaker 1 (40:51)
So turning on like the music that just makes you feel good. And so there are a lot of days where, A, I play music on the car on the way to drop my kids off to school because I know sometimes getting out the door, they feel the crabbies too. And so we just have a practice when we go in the car where I have a lot of gratitude for them and I'm telling them, you you are smart and you are fun and you're going to have a fabulous day and you're worthy and you're deserving. And then we play some really fun up
beat music where we're all singing. I dropping them off at school, feeling better. For me, that takes some energy sometimes. So then a little bit of practice once I've dropped them off at school, then I'm like, okay, so now what do I need to listen to? What do I need to do? by the time I'm drilling, boom, yes, my energy has shifted. And then I start feeling and looking for those little bit better things.
Speaker 2 (41:39)
yourself out.
Speaker 1 (41:49)
And we always have that choice, right? There's that positive and negative that we can look at. And it's just shifting our view to it. I'm gonna look at the positive. I'm gonna look at the positive. I'm gonna look at the positive. And it's not dismissing that negative things never happen. They do. We can honor negative feelings and we can honor that crap things happen in our life. And we can say, okay, it happens, but I'm not gonna continually focus on it.
Speaker 2 (42:00)
Thanks, as you said.
Speaker 1 (42:18)
I'm say, okay, it's over, it's done. I'm not gonna, every time I catch my brain going back to that argument that's like, let's replay it in my head and like, see what I can do. Nope, let's shift. Let's not go spend, you know, 15, 20 minutes arguing that argument that the person's not even there anymore. Shift that energy and start focusing on something different because it's done, it's over. You don't need to, and so many of the times I would replay things in my head.
And it would just tank the energy.
Speaker 2 (42:49)
all do that.
Speaker 1 (42:51)
Absolutely. And it's giving us the opportunity to just shift that focus and say, okay, there I go again. I'm going to turn on music and make me feel better. I'm going to use, and I have some fun, you know, oils that I use to just shift the energy when I like smell it. Like, smells good. So, ooh, I have, it's called Forest Sanctuary. And it smells like a forest. It's by Nomad Botanicals. I have it literally sitting on my desk right here.
Speaker 2 (43:06)
What's the flavor?
kind of pain and yes.
Speaker 1 (43:19)
and I don't have any connection with Nomad botanicals. I just absolutely love this oil, but it's already mixed in. So you can just put it on your hands and breathe it in and I'm in a forest.
Speaker 2 (43:32)
feel
like I need that because I always feel my best when I'm in the mountains and in the forest, but I don't, live at sea level. I'm 40 minutes from the beach and it's not my, you think you'd be like, oh, I'm close to the beach, yay, but I'm like, it's dirty and it's just not my, damn, it's just not, but I'm not there.
Speaker 1 (43:51)
Yes, I'm a Montana girl, grew up in Montana. So the mountains and that smell, that is home. That is my like love. And I get so, that's how I recharged. And luckily I'm in Colorado, so I can go up to the mountains and have, because that is more than the ocean. The mountains are, are my love and that's I feel the best. So bringing it into my little, you know, area and world, I can just like smell it.
and I feel so much better. So it's little things that can make such a huge difference.
Speaker 2 (44:22)
Yes. Yeah. And I know for me that music's the first thing, right? To sing along, to sing as loud. And I find myself, music's not on and I need to change my mindset. I just start making funny sounds because that does it for me too. But if I need to get to that next level, it's still tied to music. But now we need to dance off because now we need to move the body. So we're singing, we're dancing, we're doing all of the things.
Speaker 1 (44:45)
Right. Yeah. I'm so with you. We do so many dance parties because, and I dance in my kitchen all the time, which is by myself, because it shifts the energy. And absolutely. I'm the one that, like if I don't have music playing, I will sing whatever I'm doing because it shifts the energy. Yes. I could like, it's crazy as I'm like singing, put on your shoes and your socks and you know, all the different, but I'm like, but this is keeping me from yelling at you. So.
Speaker 2 (45:09)
I'm
That's right.
Speaker 1 (45:16)
You know, better, but yes. then bringing in that movement is so key and that movement, doesn't have to be a lot can lift your energy. that's, I think it's that fun, free flowing movement, like dance that really shifts things quickly.
Speaker 2 (45:34)
Absolutely, absolutely. And so much of it really is just recognizing, you know, when we start doing these shame spirals, or the thoughts just repeating over and over, or whatever it may be, to be able to recognize that you're doing it, and then say, Okay, we're done. We're gonna shift. Because once you have the conscious thoughts, can shift. Yeah. I mean, what's the how does that that
Speaker 1 (45:54)
Hmm? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:01)
saying go, so you can't change the thought process of thoughts, feelings, results, right? So what can you change? So you can change your thoughts. So when you change your thoughts, ultimately you change your results. Are you familiar with this concept? think so. Our thoughts create our feelings, our feelings create our actions, and then the actions of course create the results.
The only point that you can change in this process is your thought because you can recognize it, stop it.
Speaker 1 (46:36)
Change it. Yes.
Speaker 2 (46:38)
and then everything else changes.
Speaker 1 (46:40)
Yep. And we have that domino effect. And that's how we're changing our lives is by bringing that conscious awareness to what are those thoughts? What are those belief patterns? What are we saying to ourselves? Because that is changing. And we've all felt it where you go on that negative spiral and you're telling yourself, I did this wrong and I did this wrong and I did this wrong. And you start tanking and that tanks your emotions. And then, well, I don't want to do action because I feel so bad, which then doesn't have any results versus like,
having those positive thoughts around yourself and then you feel good. So then you're like, yeah, I'm going to go out and try that, which then changes the results and those little things that can really change our lives.
Speaker 2 (47:23)
really is a little bit of self-compassion goes a long way.
Speaker 1 (47:27)
It does so much. As we wrap up, are there any last thoughts that you would like to share with our listeners? And please share the name of your book and where to find it.
Speaker 2 (47:40)
Okay, yeah, so the name of it is Renovate Your Reality and it is available on Amazon, so it's super easy to find. You can just Renovate Your Reality or Ramey Gibbs, Ramey is R-E-M-I, Gibbs is easy. Amazon and it's in Kindle version and paperback. And I think, you know, we kind of touched on this, but something that I'm finding working with people, the biggest statement that is so impactful is,
Speaker 1 (47:58)
Awesome.
Speaker 2 (48:10)
You are worthy. You are worthy of the life you desire. Recognize that first and then figure out how to get there. Whether it's a help with a coach, pick up a book, read the books, do the work, whatever it is, you're worthy.
Speaker 1 (48:26)
I love that. You are worthy. You are. And our listeners are worthy. Yeah. Each one of you listening is worthy of what you desire. And I think that's a powerful statement. You are worthy of what you desire. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:43)
Now, and then like we talked about that inspired action is everything. So that's what comes next.
Speaker 1 (48:49)
Hmm?
that next step, getting the support that you need if you want support, but looking at you are worthy and it is a journey. It's not like we cut our fingers and shifted our lives. It took time to pivot and shift and it's still pivoting and shifting.
Speaker 2 (49:05)
Absolutely.
It's a practice, as I say, it's a practice. We're going to keep working on it.
Speaker 1 (49:12)
100%. If you look at happiness as a practice, it makes it so much more tangible because it is every day you get to choose. Every day you get to wake up and practice. And if it doesn't go your way that day, that's okay. You have the next day to start again.
Speaker 2 (49:30)
And that's the thing to remember too. Remember tomorrow's a new day. Today is sucked. It's okay. Tomorrow's a new day. Let's do it over. Make different choices. Be better today. You know, and that's, that's really what it is. Every day is a new day. We get to make new choices every day. Yeah. So yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:33)
Absolutely.
everyday's new
Thank you so much for joining. I am so grateful that we got to have this conversation. You're phenomenal. I am so excited.
Speaker 2 (49:59)
It's always so fun to be able to talk to people about this, right? Because our moms don't talk to us about it. So we got to open the conversation and we need to be able to let everybody know you're okay.
Speaker 1 (50:12)
Yes, this is normal. Right? Very, very common, if not normal, but I think it's normal. And there's a definitive line there. But it really is opening conversations. It's really okay if you're feeling isolated and alone and you're feeling like, my gosh, what happened? And I woke up one day and I hate my life. Like, that is so common in the midlife space. You are not alone. And like for me, I felt very isolated. And then I started talking to friends and I'm like, you are too.
Then I start bringing up the clients and they're like, oh yeah, me too. I was like, oh, okay, this is a thing. Then you dive in research and you're like, oh, this is a real thing.
Speaker 2 (50:51)
It's a real thing. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:54)
So just honor yourself. I am so thankful that you are here today and that we got to have this conversation.
Speaker 2 (51:02)
I appreciate you and I'm grateful.
Speaker 1 (51:04)
same. And if the listeners are inspired, please check out Raimi's book because it sounds absolutely fabulous. I have yet to look at it, but I'm so excited for it.
Speaker 2 (51:14)
So renovate your reality. It's the book again. then renovated realities is my website.
Speaker 1 (51:21)
Perfect. I will have all of that in the show notes so it's easy access.
Landy Peek (51:25)
my goodness, what an incredible conversation with Raimi Gibbs. I love just talking about this midlife space because midlife isn't a crisis. It's a powerful invitation to step into your worth, rediscover who you truly are, and create a life that truly lights you up. Raimi's wisdom on authentic aging, happiness, and making yourself a priority was a beautiful reminder that you
are worthy of everything that you desire, not just what's in your life, but everything that your heart desires. If this episode resonated with you, I'd invite you to check out Raimi's book. And if you're ready to take a deeper, truly immersive and bodying experience, I'd love to invite you to the Spark Initiative Immersive Six Month Experience.
This is a space where we connect, release, and reignite, stepping fully into the life that you're meant to live. So if you are in this midlife space and you are craving more, more joy, more freedom, more connection,
more authenticity. This is for you. This is not just like we talked about in the podcast with Raimi. This is not just talk. This is helping you actually embody everything that you've learned, everything that I have shared and learned to bring about more happiness in your life, to help you step in and find who you truly are.
This isn't just coaching where we sit on Zoom and chat. This is every single week we are doing challenges and adventures together so that you can truly embody the change. Plus, we end with an incredible in-person retreat. So, if you are ready to spark something new inside you, let's chat. Send me a DM.
Facebook or Instagram, Or you can send me an email at Landy at LandyPeak.com And in your DM or email, send me the word spark.
so we can really talk about sparking that new love joy, freedom, and authenticity in your life. keep embracing your worth. You are so valuable.
Landy Peek (54:05)
And because I think it is so important for you to hear you are smart and brave and kind and fun and funny and worthy and deserving of every single thing your heart desires. I am so grateful to have you in my life. I love you and I like you. And I wish you all the happiness that today can bring. And we'll talk to you on the next episode.
Landy Peek (54:32)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share.
Because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious because that's the fun in this world.
